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"You're cheating again, you asshole!" Goku yelled right behind Sanzo's head.
"Every time it's 'Gojyo, you cheat' but ya keep playing with me. What does that say about you, monkey boy?" Gojyo drawled back.
"I'll show you playing with you!"
As the inevitable fight broke out in the backseat and Sanzo ducked a kick that would have accidentally taken his head off, he growled, "Will you two stop wrestling back there and wait 'til you get a room? Then you can have your little tryst."
"Get some new material, droopy-eyes," Gojyo replied. "That one got old weeks ago."
"Totally," Goku said. Now they were allies. Yet they kept on fighting one another and smacking the back of Sanzo's seat.
"20 minutes without a fight. Must be a new record," Hakkai said, his tone sounding as if he were laughing weakly, as it often did.
This shit had been going on and off all day, the same as the day before.
If Sanzo's head exploded like it felt like it would any moment now, perhaps the shrapnel would fuck them up badly. Beating them with his fan never helped enough. He dreamed of shooting them, Hakkai included, even though he could stand Hakkai the best of the three of them. Sure, Hakkai was never directly involved in Goku and Gojyo's loud idiocy, but he didn't seem to mind it, and that calm, quiet imperturbability felt like complicity. If it didn't bother Hakkai, it shouldn't bother Sanzo, right? Fuck that.
Sanzo had been killing demons for what seemed like an eternity now, so nobody would care if he killed a few more, and if they did care, screw them. The Merciful Goddess and the Sanbutsushin might care a great deal, but at this point screw them too. They didn't have to ride with these assholes.
His life had become so pathetic that some days his fantasies of murdering them were the only thing that got him through the hours riding West in the jeep with them every day. Every day, almost all day. Even in his sleep he felt the motion of the jeep, as if something inside his body never stopped heading West.
He would have to shoot Hakkai's dragon too, which would leave him without transportation, but the silence... oh, the silence and solitude would be wonderful and well worth a walk out of whatever fucking nowhere he'd find himself in.
This mission to the West couldn't be a worse punishment for him if it had been designed to be. (Had it been so designed?) He had to deal with his party daily, and every day they did the exact same annoying shit. Goku would always be hungry and whining loudly about it. Gojyo would always be smirking and horny and winding Goku up just because he got a sick thrill out of it. Together, they would always be eating or fighting or playing cards or eating and fighting or playing cards and fighting, always at top volume. Hakkai kept that fake, bland smile on his face all the time and talked to Sanzo as if they two were the adults here, equals. If anything perturbed Hakkai these days, he rarely showed it.
The people would love Hakkai as a Sanzo. He would be polite and calm in the face of all their stupid demands.
Fuck the people, bystanders and monks alike, always wanting to be saved and told what to do, always badgering. Every place Sanzo's party stopped, it was the same. People were stupid, lazy, weak, spoiled, and two-faced. He'd had to fight to get everything he had, but they wanted their salvation and beliefs handed to them. Sometimes this mission's real purpose seemed to be to parade him past masses of people who wanted something from him.
This mission was a joke. Even if they won, the damage had been done. Humans would never trust demons again after all the rampages, and the bloodshed would continue, only it would start with human against demon instead of demon against human. This was futile.
Either Goku or Gojyo kicked the back of his seat again. He couldn't get away from the stink of them. He could feel traces of all of them clinging to his skin. If he could kill them all, it would stop.
"Hey, that vein in his temple is starting to throb. The priest's gonna blow," Gojyo said.
Sanzo had his banishing gun in his sash, and his fan up his sleeve. Which one to choose, which one? The thought of revenge fantasy #47 almost made him smile. His... companions had great power, but they didn't think he'd actually try to shoot them.
"Uh, Gojyo, I'm not sure you should do that," Goku said. It looked like the stupid monkey had some small sense of self-preservation.
"What is he gonna do, shoot me?"
The goddess and the Sanbutsushin claimed that these three were necessary somehow, even if they outright refused to give any real details on how. Besides, these three would probably find some way back anyway.
Quickly standing and leaning over the seat, Sanzo whipped out the fan and hit every tender spot on Gojyo's head he had caused or knew of, putting extra snap into his wrist and nailing Goku once in a while just because. "Ow! I didn't do anything!" Goku whined loudly.
"You exist."
"Ow! You freak!" Gojyo shouted.
"Uh, Sanzo, maybe you shouldn't--" Then Hakkai took a good look at his face. "Uhmmm, never mind."
Sanzo stopped when he felt ready to and sat back in his seat, breathing hard through his nose.
"Asshole!" Gojyo growled. "Are you done? Are you happy now?"
"No."