Paper Faces | Part Four

Shit. Shit.

Jared was screwed. He was pretty sure he’d either lost his mind completely or was well on his way. Once again, he’d said yes to going out with Jensen and still hadn’t told him that he was Masquerade.

Worse, he’d been unforgivably rude to Jensen as Masquerade, pressing him up against the wall as he kissed him breathless. Who even did that? Jared was completely, totally fucked.Even if he told Jensen now that he and Masquerade was the same person, how would he explain his behavior? Fear apparently made Jared lash out erotically. There was something seriously wrong with him. And yet – he was pretty sure that Jensen had liked it, that he’d liked being manhandled if the hitch in his voice and the corresponding hardness pressing against Jared was any indication. Still, the entire situation was just fucked all to hell.

Jared lay on his back in his bed, fully clothed, one giant dog on either side of him. The dogs were perfectly content, curled next to him, slightly panting from the heat of the day (Jared was trying to bring down his electric bill and so his apartment was always just on this side of too warm). He patted Sadie’s head and stroked her ears.

“You don’t give a crap about my dilemma, do you girl?” he asked her. Sadie, for her part, sighed heavily and continued resting her head on her paws. Jared echoed that sigh and contemplated the big bowl of fuckery his life had become lately.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he reached for his phone and called Genevieve.

“I’m going out with Jensen again on Friday,” Jensen said when he heard the click of Genevieve answering the cell.

“Oh hi, Jared,” she responded. “That’s good, right?”

“Yes and no?” Jared was aware that he probably sounded like the worst kind of idiot. “He was at the show tonight. He was backstage and-“

“How was he backstage? Wasn’t there supposed to be security or something?” Genevieve sounded annoyed.

“I don’t know,” Jared snapped. “Sorry. It’s just - security is kind of your job.”

“Don’t get bitchy with me, Jared,” Genevieve said. “So what happened? Please tell me you didn’t have sex backstage.”

“No!” Jared exclaimed, scandalized. At least when he’d had his way with Jensen he’d taken the other man into the alley. Having sex backstage would just be rude. “I was kind of mean to him,” Jared admitted. “I told him to stop following me around, and then I said yes when he called me to ask me out!”

“You haven’t told him you’re Masquerade,” Genevieve stated matter of factly. “Are you stupid?”

“No, and thanks,” Jared replied. “Your support is underwhelming. And no, I haven’t told him. How can I tell him now? Gen, I’m stuck!”

There was a drawn-out silence on the other end of the line. Jared didn’t think Genevieve had hung up on him; he was pretty sure he could hear her breathing. Finally, he said:

“Well?”

“I’m thinking!” she snapped. “Okay. I know what you need to do.”

“Yeah?” Jared was excited. Genevieve was perfect, wonderful and she was going to solve—

“You need to tell him anyway,” she said.

Genevieve officially sucked.

“Genny, no,” Jared whined. “How can I tell him? I can’t just be like, ‘Surprise! Sorry I was an asshole.’”

“Why not?” Genevieve countered. “Look, Jared, you wanted my opinion and you got it. The rest is on you. I have to go.”

“But Gen,” Jared complained.

“No, Jared. I’ll see you later okay? Goodbye.”

“Bye, Gen,” Jared sighed to an empty telephone line.




“Wow, you look great,” Jensen said when Jared came down to meet Jensen for their date. Jared smiled shyly, drawing his lower lip in between his teeth.

“Um, thanks,” Jared said. “So do you.”

“Thanks,” Jensen laughed, flashing that smile that made Jared’s stomach flip-flop a little (he’d never admit to it though). “You wanna get in?”

Jared nodded and climbed into the car. Impulsively he leaned toward Jensen and Jensen met him halfway, their lips meeting in a gentle, chaste kiss. Jared dared to let his tongue dart out and taste Jensen’s lips, and Jared heard Jensen’s surprised inhale of breath, followed by a small sound of contentment as the kiss deepened. After a few moments they separated, Jared feeling a little dizzy from the kiss. It looked like Jensen was sharing the emotion, for he pulled away and blinked slowly.

“So, you never said you hated Thai, so I figured we could go there?” Jensen sounded a little nervous. Jared smiled, feeling more at ease in the presence of Jensen’s nervousness.

“Thai sounds great,” Jared said.

The Thai place was great, and Jared ate enough for three people since he insisted on paying for his share. For some reason being around Jensen made him feel at ease, which was strange. Usually on a second date Jared was still in the look-perfect-be-perfect stage of the budding relationship, but around Jensen he found he didn’t need to be perfect.

Part of him was even considering telling Jensen that he was Masquerade.

Probably not tonight, though, he thought as his blood pressure started to climb, and then came the guilt. Jensen had no idea that the two guys he was obviously interested in were the same person.

What did that say about Jensen though? Was he serious at all about Jared, or was he playing the field? Jared forced himself not to let his self-doubt ruin a good thing – that was what his last therapist had tried to teach him to do – but it was hard to ignore it.

The meal was enjoyable despite Jared’s constantly running inner monologue, and Jared learned that the temp agency wasn’t Jensen’s only business. Apparently he was a silent partner in several of his friends’ businesses as well.

“I’m thinking of bringing in some partners with the agency too,” Jensen was saying, his hands animated over his food. “It’s a lot of work, and I’d like to maybe focus on something else for a while, you know? When I started the agency I didn’t realize it was going to be quite so all-encompassing. So, if you know anyone qualified who’s looking for work, feel free to send them my way. Sorry. God, I’m sorry. I sound like I’m trying to recruit you. I’m turning our date into a business meal.”

“No, hey, it’s alright,” Jared said, in the unusual position of reassuring his date instead of the other way around. It was strangely refreshing. “I actually think it’s really cool that you do all these things. You said you own a bar?”

“Oh, well, kind of,” Jensen said. “My buddy Chris actually owns and runs it. I’m more of a silent partner. We split ownership 60/40.”

“Sounds awesome,” Jared said. “I’d like to see it sometime.”

“Yeah?” Jensen was grinning. “We could go once we’re done here. Get a few drinks before we call it a night. What do you think? I mean, it’s not the sunset on the beach with champagne that I’d had planned-” Here Jensen threw a wink at Jared.

“Sure,” Jared said, laughing. “I think that sounds great.”

Jared followed Jensen into a bar he was obviously familiar with. It looked for the most part like any other bar out there, with dark wood furnishings. Behind the bar a large Texas-shaped clock was mounted on the wall, complete with the Lone Star emblazoned on it in shiny lacquer. In fact, the name of the bar was The Little Lone Star and there was a definite theme going on. In the back there were three pool tables, one with an actual game going, one empty and one with a young, slender young man sitting on it with an older man standing between his legs as they kissed sensually.

Jared hadn’t been expecting that. Looking around curiously, he noticed quite a few same-sex couples of both men and women. In the corners of the room up by the bar were situated two large-screen televisions, but they were off and overhead a dance beat was playing loud enough for the bass to vibrate in Jared’s chest. Jared leaned close to Jensen.

“Is this a gay bar?” he asked.

“Only on Friday nights,” Jensen said (well, more like yelled since the music was so loud). “Tips go to a local LGBTQ Youth Organization tonight. I probably should have warned you. There’s a drag show that starts at ten, you want to stay for it?”

Jared grinned. It had been a long time since he’d been out to a club – he wasn’t really comfortable with them but this place was welcoming. Maybe it was because Jensen owned it.

“Jensen! Jensen!”

Someone somewhere was shrieking Jensen’s name and when Jared located the source of that racket he realized it was the slender young man sitting on the pool table in the back. Jensen heard it too and Jared saw his eyes widen in surprise.

“Well, Jared, it looks like you’re about to meet some friends of mine. I hope you don’t mind?” Jensen looked nervous again, so Jared took his hand in his own. Jensen shot a smile in Jared’s direction. The younger man had hopped down from his perch on the pool table and was dragging his date toward Jensen. The date had a resigned but fond expression on his face.

“Evan,” Jensen greeted the other man. “Lucas, I thought you two were on your honeymoon.”

“We just got back yesterday but this one,” here the older man, Lucas, pointed at his date. No, husband, Jared corrected himself. “He wanted to come here for the first time as a properly married couple, and you know I can’t say no to him.”

“Who is this?” the one named Evan grinned. “Jensen, are you on a date?” Evan said this like it was some sort of miracle. He leaned back on one heel, arms crossed over his chest and looked Jared up and down. Jared felt a little uncomfortable with this and scooted closer to Jensen.

“Yes, I am and I’ll thank you not to run him off,” Jensen said. “Jared, this is Evan and Lucas. They just got married. Evan and Lucas, this is Jared.”

Pleasantries were exchanged and then Jensen found a table big enough for four people to sit at just as the drag show was beginning. The drinks came regularly and Jared was pretty sure Jensen was running up a huge tab, but then again he was part owner of this place and who knew if he even had to pay for drinks.

Evan and Lucas were fun to be around too. They offered either a scathing or adoring review of each queen who performed; there was no gray area for them. One giant drag queen who went by Ruby Jewel received the worst criticism of the evening, and Jared had to admit she was terrible. The best review of the evening went to a drag queen who went by Uneeda Orgasm, a camp performer whose shtick it was to do bad makeup and bad clothes and then dance around the stage as if her life depended on it. She received a standing ovation from most of the patrons in the bar, Jared and Jensen included. Jensen kept stealing glances at Jared through the performance, and every time Jared grinned at him and clapped along with the crowd. Overall, it was shaping up to be the most fun he’d had in a long, long time.

After the performance Jared was feeling quite tipsy from all the drinks he’d imbibed. Overhead the music was still pumping from the speakers, the performers had vacated the dance floor and it was now filled with couples taking advantage of the dimmed lights and loud music to dance as close as possible.

Jared wanted to dance. Specifically, he wanted to dance with Jensen, to pull the other man’s body tight against his as he moved to the beat thrumming through his system. The music was alive; it was inside of him and he wanted to make Jensen feel it with him. He wanted to feel Jensen. He had a mental image in his head of music playing while he laid Jensen out on a bed and stripped him naked; the frenetic pulse of the music dictating where, how and when he would touch.

“Wow, you really look like you want to dance, Jared,” Evan said suddenly, leaning close. “Why don’t you? Jensen’s been known to shake his ass once or twice.”

Jared laughed and looked over at Jensen, who’d colored prettily. Jared suddenly had a mental image pop into his head of Jensen learning Jared’s dancing technique, and wow, if he could master it – Jared’s brain nearly misfired from the thought of Jensen, standing there in a low slung dance costume, hip bones showing as he slowly undulated his hips in a circle.

“Jared, you alright?” Jensen asked, and Jared realized he’d been staring at Jensen, mouth slack. Jared quickly composed himself and sat up straight, shaking his head.

“No—I mean, yes, I’m fine, but no, I don’t dance where people can see me,” Jared said lamely. Evan cackled.

“So you do dance then,” Evan said. Jared’s brow furrowed as he tried to find a way out of this without lying.

“A little,” he finally said.

“You should dance!” Evan responded without missing a beat. He stood up and started bouncing from foot to foot in time with the music. At the same time he leaned down and grabbed Jared’s hand, nearly losing his balance in the process. Humoring Evan, Jared stood, feeling awkward.

“Do you want to dance, Jared?” Jensen asked, standing himself. “Evan, if he doesn’t want to dance, don’t bully him. He’s shy.”

Jared felt a burning sensation in his belly that he knew was shame. How many times in his life had he heard that phrase, uttered in different tones? He’s shy. It was an admonishment for being too quiet; it was an explanation from his mother when she was asked why her son was so quiet, it was just everything that Jared hated about himself. It was why he had to put on a mask to dance – to do something he loved.

Jared looked over at Jensen, but instead of seeing the pity he expected, he saw a different, strange look. Jensen looked at Jared like he was hungry for him. The look combined with the buzz from the alcohol bolstered Jared’s courage and he reached over and grabbed Jensen’s hand.

“I – I want to dance with Jensen,” he said, feeling proud of himself for forming a declarative sentence. Jared’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest and his skin was burning. Surely Jensen could feel how Jared’s hand was about to spontaneously combust? Together, they walked out to the dance floor.

Facing each other now, Jensen’s hand landed on Jared’s hip, one finger threaded through one of the belt loops on Jared’s jeans, tugging him closer. Jensen’s other hand reached around to the back of Jared’s neck, pulling him down the inch or two it took to press their foreheads together. Jensen’s eyes were wide and earnest, and Jared could tell that Jensen was worried that he was pushing Jared too far with this. This was intimate. In this position, Jared could pretend the world around them had fallen away and all that was left was this buzzing, this thrumming in his veins which he knew was the alcohol and the bass from the music, but right now all he could think of was Jensen.

“Don’t be nervous,” Jensen said just loud enough for Jared to hear. “It’s just you and me here, okay? No one else is paying attention. Close your eyes if it helps.”
Jared went ahead and closed his eyes, allowing himself to just feel. Jensen’s hand pressed against Jared’s hip, and in the next moment they were swaying back and forth. Jared hooked his thumb in the waistband of Jensen’s jeans.

The dance was simple and sweet – perfect for the beginner that Jensen thought Jared was. Jared didn’t know how he’d managed to capture the attention of this perfect, beautiful man but he was going to do his best to keep him.

And Jared was always one step away from fucking it up because of his Masquerade bullshit. Genevieve was right. Jared needed to tell Jensen. Yes. He was going to tell Jensen tonight, maybe right now—

Jensen’s lips were soft, warm and sudden. Wait, when had they started kissing? No matter, Jared quickly got with the program. God, this was good. Jensen could kiss and Jared allowed him to lay waste to his mouth for a few moments, enjoying the feel of the other man dominating him. Jensen’s tongue traced the seam of Jared’s lips, gently requesting entry, and Jared was more than happy to allow it. He parted his lips, and Jensen’s tongue crept in just ever so slightly, just far enough to steal a taste.

Jared needed more. He pulled Jensen closer and circled his hips, eliciting a gasp that fed right into Jared’s mouth and his ego. All coherent thought fled Jared’s mind as the world narrowed to his connection with Jensen at the hip and mouth, and Jared’s body began to move, almost out of his control. This wasn’t just grinding – this was allowing the music to take over his body; this was possession.

The kiss ended but the dance didn’t, and Jared pulled Jensen almost roughly close to him, wanting to touch him, to feel him. Jared risked opening his eyes and looked at Jensen, who was staring at him in surprise as Jared undulated against him.

“Too much?” Jared asked, knowing he sounded cocky and not caring. Jensen’s own eyes were wide and that hungry look had returned.

“God no,” Jensen breathed. “Holy shit, you’re hot.”

Jared laughed softly as he brought his lips back to Jensen’s, this time taking control of the kiss as if he were still wearing his mask. As he pressed against Jensen, he knew Jensen could feel his arousal and he could definitely feel Jensen’s. Jared wanted to take advantage of this sudden burst of courage, and so he leaned forward and whispered in Jensen’s ear:

“Want to come back to my place?”