Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life

As a psychiatrist it’s important to understand as much as possible about sex. Do I need to explain? This book filled in a few blanks in my knowledge base about motivations, the unexpected universality of some sexual fantasies and fetishes.

I found it interesting. He talks about things no one is talking about and he lays a good foundation based on a two year study. I get the vibe there is more to come in that he learned soooo much and the body of work is so comprehensive that there is more delve into. Well written and fascinating. The description is an accurate depiction of the material and if it appeals to you then you will really enjoy this book.

Justin Lehmiller created the perfect book on sexual fantasies (and, therefore, sexuality in general). He based the book on a massive data set which gives him more credibility than anybody else out there. But, equally importantly, he makes the results readable, interesting, relevant, and useful. He slices and dices the data in all sorts of different ways which allows him to extract an amazing variety of lessons. I can't even guess at the hours spent poring over the data to learn everything that he did, but the world is a better place for his tireless efforts. The only thing better than reading this book is your partner also reading it and then the two of you discussing it.

Education for learning about sexual fantasies

It's an impressive piece of work. Dr. Lehmiller put together a large, comprehensive survey and collected over 4,000 participants to inform the story he shares about fantasies. I appreciate how his contribution furthers our understanding about fantasies and challenges the stigma that many experience regarding their sexual curiosities. Dr. Lehmiller also does a great job of addressing complex and taboo topics with thoughtfulness and an appreciation for nuance. I highly recommend this book.

I felt like the book lacked depth, though it did have plenty of detail and stastitics. Regarding sexual fantasies, this book seems to deviate significantly in content and concept from works like those of Dr. Ruth and others.

Tell Me What You Want by Justin L. Lehmiller is a free NetGalley ebook that I read in late June.

Clearly, I need a little more education and acceptance to master with sex, because, while reading Tell Me What You Want, I frequently exclaimed, "Damn!" or "Eww!" while reading the findings and results of the author's own report from a survey of 350 questions taken by a pool of 4,000+ people. Among all of the jaw-dropping personal testimonials, the mixture of shame and empowerment involved in revealing one's fantasy, determining the ideal sexual partner compared to the 'average,' what I enjoyed most was the idea of living out one's fantasies as being cathartic and a learning process, but beset with its own risks, rewards, and way of looking at relationships.

A group of friends and I purchased Dr. Lehmiller’s book with the goal of doing a 3-week book club, and I’m glad we approached it this way. Reading this with a group of people gave us the opportunity to talk about and reflect on what we found most compelling, surprising (or not surprising), or resonated with us.

Dr. Lehmiller discusses his research findings through a very informative, yet casual voice. I appreciated being able to learn about the sexual fantasies of a large group of Americans, and compare them against my own thoughts and actions.

For those who have a sexually-positive mindset, or would like to learn how to, I would definitely recommend giving this a read.

And, as I mentioned, I definitely recommend the approach of a book club read with close friends. It’s very helpful to be able to discuss these very interesting topics as they come up.

Super enquête sur la sexualité...sans jugements ni tabous.

El libro es super interesante ya que no había visto investigaciones hechas de tal magnitud que muestran hallazgos sobre fantasías sexuales, como lo hace este libro. Lo único malo es que la información está en el contexto norteamericano donde se realizaron las encuestas para el estudio. Me pareció bastante informativo y educacional para alguien que esté empezando con temas de psicología o sexología ya que es relativamente corto y la lectura no es muy pesada.

This is a really eye-opening book. I used it as the basis for a study on how adult film data can be used to predict the next presidential election. Written in language that is easily accessible for even the most casual reader. It's a must for anyone interested in what desire can tell us about people or anyone who's ever wondered "Am I normal?".

REALLY GOOD ONE, gonna be reading it again many times for sure! Full of facts, research results and explanations to different interesting questions.

If the author will ever be reading this- THANK YOU. This has changed my perspective to my desires and I was finally able to discuss them with my partner. One of the books that I might even call life changing :)

Interested reading from the scientific side don't be put off. Keep your mind.