MANCS

l don't lose rematches, especially against Mancs. Derry MathewsIt'll end in tears for the jumped-up Scouser.

A fantastic win, three points bagged The Mancs went north, their shoulders sagged.

The Superlambanana is a Scouser it should not be allowed to do a Rooney and sell it's soul to the Mancs.

However, what does make The Gothic a striking addition to the unusual is that it is Cains' only pub outside the boundaries of its Liverpool heartland, an alehouse Elmer Gantry bringing the gospel according to this city's favourite brewery to the souls of the Heathen Manc. Well, er, Gatley, Stockport, anyway.

I'LL be interrupting my favourite Sunday lunch to lay Boro at around 2.68 tomorrow, and here's five reasons why: a) their best defender, Chris Riggott, is suspended; b) their record in games immediately after European ventures leaves them more red-faced than Harry Kewell following his wife's 'peachy' jungle revelations; c) Tottenham are excellent at home, but even better away, their one Premiership defeat being an unlucky one-goal reverse at Bolton; d) Jermain Defoe, buoyed by a super individual strike against Pompey, will be hungry for goals in front of England assistant Steve McClaren; e) never-say-die comebacks against Charlton, the Mancs and Villa prove they're a 90-minute team of skill and resilience.

Now Woolybacks aren't local No, they don't live round here They come from Crewe or Khatmandu Even Lake Windermere They don't speak proper English Not like you and me And watch those Mancs from up the Lancs They still eat missionaries you see He's dead unsophisticated Says thou instead of you Belt and braces on his trousers Wears a clog and not a shoe Stuffing ferrets down his trousers Wears a cap that's flat Speaks in a foreign language Like on Ilkey Moo Bahat (What does that mean?) But Woolybacks are harmless Most accommodating too Just feed them tripe and unions And they'll do anything for you Knowarrameanla by Alan Tippins, Litherland

Arsenal, with their main men firing, are a six-to-eight points better outfit than the Mancs over a season.

With Rooney going to the Mancs, I can really em pathise with the Bluenoses at last.

"I think Mancs are miserable because they don't have a sense of humour like us Scousers.

"And there's like 25,000 Mancs in that room and I'm stood next to a geezer jumping on a chair while Ricky was on the deck.

Coming from behind to win again was fine,but it wasn't the best performance and we will have to raise our game if we are to get anything off the Mancs.

The Magpies themselves are fluttering about near the top of the league, Leeds, Chelsea and the Mancs are in hot pursuit.