George W. Baltar
We were all so surprised by the outcome of this episode, but how else could it have ended?
If you have not seen the most recent episode of BSG--and intend to watch it--I suggest you read no further.
You were expecting them, perhaps, to arrive at Earth and be confronted by the Enterprise, perhaps under the command of Captains Kirk or Picard? Or maybe you thought they wouldn't get there at all, destroying themselves or each other in a burst of cosmic irony?
Or maybe you expected the denizens of Earth to be Cylons, or hostile humans, blowing them up as soon as they jumped into orbit?
Really there was only one way they could have arrived at Earth. The show's theme has been political since day zero. We've looked at what it means to be human--and whether "enemy combatants" deserve to keep basic human dignity (even if they seem not-quite-human). We've looked at the ethics of torture and terrorism, and at the intricacies of the relationship between democratic government and military in a society that by necessity is ruled by martial law. The show has asked us to consider the details of the differences between cults and religions.
Did you really expect the show to surprise you with an ending that was not overtly political?
Though I doubt many people saw it coming, the remaining humans and rebel Cylons could only have discovered on Earth the ruins and remains of a nuclear holocaust. Anything else would have turned the show into drama, and not politically-themed war fiction (is it really sci-fi?).
So I would like to present you with an alternate ending.
CAMERA PANS DOWN FROM BLUE SKIES, SHOWS WHITE HOUSE WITH COLONIAL ONE PARKED NEXT TO IT. COLONIAL-THEMED MUSIC PLAYING.
GEORGE W BUSH
I'd like to welcome our, uh...
LONG PAUSE
uhh..., uhh...Cylars and Capricorns to America. Err, to Earth.
I want to announce that I'm, ah, turnin' over strategic military command of the Middle-East to Admiral Adama. We've been havin' meetings with the CIA for the last couple weeks, and we think this fifth Cylar might be Osama Bin Laden.
Hey, did you notice that rhymes? Adama. Osama. Obama.
CHUCKLES.
...Mama.
LOOKS OFF CAMERA FOR A MOMENT, NEXT LINE SAID JOKINGLY
Hey, you notice Gaius Baltar and I have the same initials?
LOOKS AROUND AUDIENCE, GRINNING LIKE HE'S JUST FOUND HIS SUNGLASSES.
We're also gonna put Iraq under the command of the Cylars, 'cause apparently they've got some experience with occupayshuns with no easy way out.
Also, I've appointed this Badger fellow to represent the, err, enemy combatants at Guantanamo Bay, per the recent finding of the Serpreme Court that they need, eh, habeas corpus.
Finally, I'd like to appoint Kara Thrace to find those damned WMDs. I hear she did a pretty good job of findin' Earth.
CHUCKLES AGAIN.
Nah, that one was a joke.
CONTINUES CHUCKLING. NO ONE ELSE APPEARS TO BE LAUGHING, EXCEPT ONE OF THE CENTURIONS.
That's all, thanks fer comin'.
BUSH CHEST-POUNDS WITH LEOBIN. LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO CHEST-POUND WITH THE CENTURION, BUT THEN DECIDES BETTER.
THE END.
Later this week: See what Fox News' NO SPIN ZONE has to say about it.
If you have not seen the most recent episode of BSG--and intend to watch it--I suggest you read no further.
You were expecting them, perhaps, to arrive at Earth and be confronted by the Enterprise, perhaps under the command of Captains Kirk or Picard? Or maybe you thought they wouldn't get there at all, destroying themselves or each other in a burst of cosmic irony?
Or maybe you expected the denizens of Earth to be Cylons, or hostile humans, blowing them up as soon as they jumped into orbit?
Really there was only one way they could have arrived at Earth. The show's theme has been political since day zero. We've looked at what it means to be human--and whether "enemy combatants" deserve to keep basic human dignity (even if they seem not-quite-human). We've looked at the ethics of torture and terrorism, and at the intricacies of the relationship between democratic government and military in a society that by necessity is ruled by martial law. The show has asked us to consider the details of the differences between cults and religions.
Did you really expect the show to surprise you with an ending that was not overtly political?
Though I doubt many people saw it coming, the remaining humans and rebel Cylons could only have discovered on Earth the ruins and remains of a nuclear holocaust. Anything else would have turned the show into drama, and not politically-themed war fiction (is it really sci-fi?).
So I would like to present you with an alternate ending.
Alternate Take: Discovery of Earth by Rebel Cylons and Human Fleet
GEORGE W BUSH
I'd like to welcome our, uh...
LONG PAUSE
uhh..., uhh...Cylars and Capricorns to America. Err, to Earth.
I want to announce that I'm, ah, turnin' over strategic military command of the Middle-East to Admiral Adama. We've been havin' meetings with the CIA for the last couple weeks, and we think this fifth Cylar might be Osama Bin Laden.
Hey, did you notice that rhymes? Adama. Osama. Obama.
CHUCKLES.
...Mama.
LOOKS OFF CAMERA FOR A MOMENT, NEXT LINE SAID JOKINGLY
Hey, you notice Gaius Baltar and I have the same initials?
LOOKS AROUND AUDIENCE, GRINNING LIKE HE'S JUST FOUND HIS SUNGLASSES.
We're also gonna put Iraq under the command of the Cylars, 'cause apparently they've got some experience with occupayshuns with no easy way out.
Also, I've appointed this Badger fellow to represent the, err, enemy combatants at Guantanamo Bay, per the recent finding of the Serpreme Court that they need, eh, habeas corpus.
Finally, I'd like to appoint Kara Thrace to find those damned WMDs. I hear she did a pretty good job of findin' Earth.
CHUCKLES AGAIN.
Nah, that one was a joke.
CONTINUES CHUCKLING. NO ONE ELSE APPEARS TO BE LAUGHING, EXCEPT ONE OF THE CENTURIONS.
That's all, thanks fer comin'.
BUSH CHEST-POUNDS WITH LEOBIN. LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO CHEST-POUND WITH THE CENTURION, BUT THEN DECIDES BETTER.
THE END.
Later this week: See what Fox News' NO SPIN ZONE has to say about it.