Holding On
Title: Holding On
Author: Abyss
Character(s): Germany, America, Prussia, France, mentions Switzerland, England, Japan, and Italy (Germany/???, France/???, America->Germany, Prussia->Germany, mentions England/Switzerland, Japan/Italy)
Rating: PG
Summary: Alfred knows his best friend, Gilbert Beilschmidt, has the hots for the blond captain of the soccer team- and as the her, it's his duty to help his friend be as happy as he can, right?! What Al didn't count on, though, was falling for Ludwig himself...
Notes: I don't think I mentioned the sport Ludwig plays, so... The summary is from a friend's meme (after she filled it out.) ^^ The reason the pairings aren't outright mentioned is because I thought this would be a more intriguing way of introducing the oneshot. And, although I do imply it, it's not mentioned--Gilbert is not related to Ludwig. (Make of that what you will.)
Alfred notices, from the side, that Gilbert is staring longingly at the new German student. He notices that Gil is acting almost like a love-sick “idiot”, as he often calls the girls going after him, Alfred. The thing that stands out the most, though, is that this is the first time that Gilbert has shown interest in anyone.
He notices that someone is trying to get Ludwig to talk to him (Feliciano by the looks of it), but Ludwig only treats him with the same kindness that he’s sure that Ludwig will show to anyone that bothers to talk to him.
He knows that Ludwig is a kind soul, despite his outward appearance, and that’s why he finds himself talking to the blond— trying to help Gil, he keeps telling himself. Every time he does talk to him, though, he finds that it’s hard to remember that he’s doing this for Gilbert.
He soon finds himself drowning in his gaze, and he realizes that he, too, has fallen for the charm that Ludwig unwittingly unleashes on him. He, while he’s generally a hero, wants to take Ludwig for himself, and he won’t take anything less than what Ludwig can give him.
While he does what he thinks he should do, he ignores the pang in his chest that is a warning that he’s doing something wrong. He ignores Gilbert, for the most part, and the two drift away. He also knows that Ludwig has started spending time with Gilbert, and that Gilbert is also doing his best to seduce the German.
It doesn’t matter, in his eyes—he will still win. He will do what all heroes do, and get the girl (though he can’t really call Ludwig a girl because he exhibits signs that indicate that he’s more masculine than Alfred is himself).
He finds that he regrets pushing Gilbert away, and he tries to get into contact with him again. He notices that Ludwig will start talking about Gilbert with him, and more likely than not talk about how he’s an irritating brat that should learn the difference between the word annoying (and sometimes insufferable) and awesome.
He notices the way that Ludwig will sometimes sigh, and ask about Gilbert (he figures that since he’s Gilbert’s friend, he would know more about Gilbert). He tries to ignore the way that Ludwig stares at Gilbert with awe, almost like he loves him, and he tries to avoid them whenever they are together.
Despite what he wants to believe, he knows that he has already lost to Gilbert, probably unknowingly—he highly doubts that Ludwig can tell the difference between friendly affection and flirting. He sees Feliciano (the person he originally thought Ludwig was in love with) flirting with other girls, and he sees Ludwig defending him, stating that Feli was just being a nice, kind person.
He doubts that, though. He thinks that Feli is really trying to get a girl, a pretty, soft one, and he thinks that Feliciano is abusing the friendship. The more he looks into it, though, the more he sees the true friendship, and that the protection that Ludwig gives him is only a bonus to the delicate, yet somehow strong, friendship they have.
The friendship between him and Ludwig, though, is constantly on the edge of falling to pieces. Rarely does he think that Ludwig can see through the friendship, but he doesn’t hear Ludwig complain about it. Rarely will Ludwig actually act like he cares for him more than he cares for Gilbert. Rarely will they allow their defenses to fall, and be true friends.
It’s a very trying friendship, but he doesn’t want to give it up. He likes spending time with the German student, but he doesn’t know if he could do that if he were to choose Gilbert. There are many things he doesn’t know, but he knows that if Ludwig was to choose him over Gilbert, then he would be very happy. He also knows that it’s a very unlikely thing, and that he shouldn’t be thinking of that for a while.
It’s not often, he realizes, that he can find something that he and Ludwig can talk about for hours at a time—he can’t get Ludwig into comics (he even tried to introduce him to Scandinavia and the World—the most educational comic ever), and he can’t speak German. He knows that Gilbert would be better because Gilbert can speak in his native language—German—Gilbert can make him see the truth when he loses sight of it, and Gilbert can always get him out of his depressed moods.
Still, he’s not ready to give up, even with everything against him. It seems hopeless to those that see the relationship for what it is (especially one of his closest friends, Arthur), and he sees that Kiku would often shove a manga of his into his face. The themes, all of the themes, are some type of romance, and he assumes it’s a way of Kiku saying that it’ll be all right in the end. He sees that Kiku would often be speaking with Feliciano (he assumes they spend so much time together because Ludwig—the third member of the group—is off with Gilbert) and he knows that Feli knows because of Kiku.
He’s not ready, however hopeless it already seems to him, when he walks in on Ludwig and Gilbert talking. He doesn’t think they see him (and they don’t), but he sees Gilbert trademark smirk, and he can almost hear the exasperated sigh that escape Ludwig’s lips. He can see that even though Ludwig may act a bit… emotionally detached, he obviously loves Gilbert. He can almost feel it radiating off of them—the love, the happiness, and (worse for him) the smugness that indicates that he lost. He can tell that it’s unintentional, and that the smugness was meant for both their fan… clubs, he thinks the appropriate name would be.
It doesn’t matter, he keeps telling himself, because they’re happy. He tries to think positively for his best friend and his first love, but it doesn’t stop the hole that’s eating its way through him. It doesn’t stop him from crying in the night as he thinks of what he saw (and what he’s hearing down the hall). He doesn’t realize that someone knows of his pain, and he doesn’t realize that they’re making their way down the hall, but he hears his door creak open (over his silent sobs), and he hears the footfall of the other.
“Alfred,” he hears Francis whisper into the darkness that is his room. He looks up, quite suspicious of the French man in his room—he had a reputation of being a pervert.
“What do you want, Francis?” He doesn’t want to deal with something like what Francis will probably throw out at him—a chance to be fucked by him.
“I’m here to grant a favour.”
“Oh, great. On top of getting my heart broken, I get to be called a whore. That just made my day.” He knows that it’s rude to say things like that, but he’s hurt, and he’s tired, and he doesn’t want to deal with anything that doesn’t involving crying or sleeping.
“Non, non.” Alfred thinks of the many ways one could say no that isn’t French because, honestly, it wasn’t helping Francis at the moment. “I only wanted to offer a shoulder to cry on.”
He’s still suspicious, but, after weighing the pros and the cons, he decides that life could be worse, and that having someone—anyone—was better than curling up into himself and crying to sleep.
Months pass, and then graduation is looming. He’s now close to the French man that inhabits his room nightly, and he’s able to smile warmly, sincerely, and be happy for the other two—Ludwig and Gilbert—without feeling the pain that their relationship had originally caused him.
He’s able to smile at Arthur, and not have the weird feeling that the Brit is asking for something more—he realizes that Artie only wanted to have a brotherly relationship (after he announced that he had a date with Vash—they’ve been going strong ever since then).
He finally realized what Kiku and Feliciano were doing when they were alone—to an extent. He realizes that Kiku is a lot friendlier to Feli than to any of the other people that join him (and occasionally Feli) in the library.
He realizes that his bond with Francis has grown stronger within the last few months. He realizes that it was because of Francis that he healed more quickly than he would have if he had been through this pain all alone.
He doesn’t like the indication, but he may owe Francis more than he’d like to think about at this moment. He doesn’t want to think about the favors that Francis will ask for—most of them certainly perverted—and he tries to take it one step at the time.
He doesn’t like to admit it to others—he thinks only Arthur noticed it—but he fell quite suddenly for the French man. He doesn’t like that only weeks after losing his first love, he falls in love again. Worst, he fell for a person that is known to be a player, someone who flirts with everyone (even worse than Feli—and that’s saying a lot).
However, he doesn’t look into the future, and tries to look only on the present. He knows that if he were to look towards the future, he would be setting himself up for heartache even worse because he planned a whole future for the two of them. So, now, he only tries to see as far as tomorrow, and he tries to plan things on the day that he wants to do them. He tries to convince himself that he’s worth the time that Francis invested in him, time that could have been used to seduce multiple girls into his bed.
Honestly, he doesn’t think Francis has flirted with anyone for a while. He doesn’t think that Francis even attempts to flirt with someone, unless they flirt with him first. He thinks that he’s the only exception to that rule, and he’s honestly fine with it.
He finds that it’s natural, the playful, platonic flirting with Francis, and he thinks that maybe, over time (something he tries not to think about, but doesn’t fully succeed), it’ll change into something more than a platonic love. He wants to dream of a future where the two of them are old and grey, but he won’t set himself up for heartache worse than what he’ll already get once Francis leaves him.
He realizes that it’s easy to be himself now that Francis has healed him—he finds himself joking with Gil as easily as before, and he finds himself wondering if he can maybe introduce Gil to something like Homestuck or SATW. He finds himself in Ludwig’s room, teasing him about his and Gil’s future, and he finds that it’s adorable, in a childish way, when Ludwig blushes and stutters.
Even then, he finds himself in his room, rocking back and forth, waiting for Francis to come. It’s a habit of theirs, to hang out in his room until the sun rises, and he finds that he doesn’t care for the other people’s opinions.
He finds that he doesn’t care if he is called a whore of some sort. He finds that things could be worse than what is already shown. In the end, he finds that he’s okay with his sexuality—he’s gay, and he’s proud of it. It doesn’t matter when he gets a text from Francis, telling him to meet him outside the dorm. He finds himself running down the stairs, flying out the door, and landing in the garden.
He finds Francis holding a rose, and asking him very casually to go out on a date. He finds that he’s okay, and that it doesn’t matter to him, as long as Francis wants him the way he wants Francis. He finds that he can ignore the comments about him being a whore.
He finds that it’s okay to be in love with Francis only after getting over Ludwig, and that, maybe, it’ll bring the “happily-ever-after” ending he craves for his story.
Author: Abyss
Character(s): Germany, America, Prussia, France, mentions Switzerland, England, Japan, and Italy (Germany/???, France/???, America->Germany, Prussia->Germany, mentions England/Switzerland, Japan/Italy)
Rating: PG
Summary: Alfred knows his best friend, Gilbert Beilschmidt, has the hots for the blond captain of the soccer team- and as the her, it's his duty to help his friend be as happy as he can, right?! What Al didn't count on, though, was falling for Ludwig himself...
Notes: I don't think I mentioned the sport Ludwig plays, so... The summary is from a friend's meme (after she filled it out.) ^^ The reason the pairings aren't outright mentioned is because I thought this would be a more intriguing way of introducing the oneshot. And, although I do imply it, it's not mentioned--Gilbert is not related to Ludwig. (Make of that what you will.)
Alfred notices, from the side, that Gilbert is staring longingly at the new German student. He notices that Gil is acting almost like a love-sick “idiot”, as he often calls the girls going after him, Alfred. The thing that stands out the most, though, is that this is the first time that Gilbert has shown interest in anyone.
He notices that someone is trying to get Ludwig to talk to him (Feliciano by the looks of it), but Ludwig only treats him with the same kindness that he’s sure that Ludwig will show to anyone that bothers to talk to him.
He knows that Ludwig is a kind soul, despite his outward appearance, and that’s why he finds himself talking to the blond— trying to help Gil, he keeps telling himself. Every time he does talk to him, though, he finds that it’s hard to remember that he’s doing this for Gilbert.
He soon finds himself drowning in his gaze, and he realizes that he, too, has fallen for the charm that Ludwig unwittingly unleashes on him. He, while he’s generally a hero, wants to take Ludwig for himself, and he won’t take anything less than what Ludwig can give him.
While he does what he thinks he should do, he ignores the pang in his chest that is a warning that he’s doing something wrong. He ignores Gilbert, for the most part, and the two drift away. He also knows that Ludwig has started spending time with Gilbert, and that Gilbert is also doing his best to seduce the German.
It doesn’t matter, in his eyes—he will still win. He will do what all heroes do, and get the girl (though he can’t really call Ludwig a girl because he exhibits signs that indicate that he’s more masculine than Alfred is himself).
He finds that he regrets pushing Gilbert away, and he tries to get into contact with him again. He notices that Ludwig will start talking about Gilbert with him, and more likely than not talk about how he’s an irritating brat that should learn the difference between the word annoying (and sometimes insufferable) and awesome.
He notices the way that Ludwig will sometimes sigh, and ask about Gilbert (he figures that since he’s Gilbert’s friend, he would know more about Gilbert). He tries to ignore the way that Ludwig stares at Gilbert with awe, almost like he loves him, and he tries to avoid them whenever they are together.
Despite what he wants to believe, he knows that he has already lost to Gilbert, probably unknowingly—he highly doubts that Ludwig can tell the difference between friendly affection and flirting. He sees Feliciano (the person he originally thought Ludwig was in love with) flirting with other girls, and he sees Ludwig defending him, stating that Feli was just being a nice, kind person.
He doubts that, though. He thinks that Feli is really trying to get a girl, a pretty, soft one, and he thinks that Feliciano is abusing the friendship. The more he looks into it, though, the more he sees the true friendship, and that the protection that Ludwig gives him is only a bonus to the delicate, yet somehow strong, friendship they have.
The friendship between him and Ludwig, though, is constantly on the edge of falling to pieces. Rarely does he think that Ludwig can see through the friendship, but he doesn’t hear Ludwig complain about it. Rarely will Ludwig actually act like he cares for him more than he cares for Gilbert. Rarely will they allow their defenses to fall, and be true friends.
It’s a very trying friendship, but he doesn’t want to give it up. He likes spending time with the German student, but he doesn’t know if he could do that if he were to choose Gilbert. There are many things he doesn’t know, but he knows that if Ludwig was to choose him over Gilbert, then he would be very happy. He also knows that it’s a very unlikely thing, and that he shouldn’t be thinking of that for a while.
It’s not often, he realizes, that he can find something that he and Ludwig can talk about for hours at a time—he can’t get Ludwig into comics (he even tried to introduce him to Scandinavia and the World—the most educational comic ever), and he can’t speak German. He knows that Gilbert would be better because Gilbert can speak in his native language—German—Gilbert can make him see the truth when he loses sight of it, and Gilbert can always get him out of his depressed moods.
Still, he’s not ready to give up, even with everything against him. It seems hopeless to those that see the relationship for what it is (especially one of his closest friends, Arthur), and he sees that Kiku would often shove a manga of his into his face. The themes, all of the themes, are some type of romance, and he assumes it’s a way of Kiku saying that it’ll be all right in the end. He sees that Kiku would often be speaking with Feliciano (he assumes they spend so much time together because Ludwig—the third member of the group—is off with Gilbert) and he knows that Feli knows because of Kiku.
He’s not ready, however hopeless it already seems to him, when he walks in on Ludwig and Gilbert talking. He doesn’t think they see him (and they don’t), but he sees Gilbert trademark smirk, and he can almost hear the exasperated sigh that escape Ludwig’s lips. He can see that even though Ludwig may act a bit… emotionally detached, he obviously loves Gilbert. He can almost feel it radiating off of them—the love, the happiness, and (worse for him) the smugness that indicates that he lost. He can tell that it’s unintentional, and that the smugness was meant for both their fan… clubs, he thinks the appropriate name would be.
It doesn’t matter, he keeps telling himself, because they’re happy. He tries to think positively for his best friend and his first love, but it doesn’t stop the hole that’s eating its way through him. It doesn’t stop him from crying in the night as he thinks of what he saw (and what he’s hearing down the hall). He doesn’t realize that someone knows of his pain, and he doesn’t realize that they’re making their way down the hall, but he hears his door creak open (over his silent sobs), and he hears the footfall of the other.
“Alfred,” he hears Francis whisper into the darkness that is his room. He looks up, quite suspicious of the French man in his room—he had a reputation of being a pervert.
“What do you want, Francis?” He doesn’t want to deal with something like what Francis will probably throw out at him—a chance to be fucked by him.
“I’m here to grant a favour.”
“Oh, great. On top of getting my heart broken, I get to be called a whore. That just made my day.” He knows that it’s rude to say things like that, but he’s hurt, and he’s tired, and he doesn’t want to deal with anything that doesn’t involving crying or sleeping.
“Non, non.” Alfred thinks of the many ways one could say no that isn’t French because, honestly, it wasn’t helping Francis at the moment. “I only wanted to offer a shoulder to cry on.”
He’s still suspicious, but, after weighing the pros and the cons, he decides that life could be worse, and that having someone—anyone—was better than curling up into himself and crying to sleep.
Months pass, and then graduation is looming. He’s now close to the French man that inhabits his room nightly, and he’s able to smile warmly, sincerely, and be happy for the other two—Ludwig and Gilbert—without feeling the pain that their relationship had originally caused him.
He’s able to smile at Arthur, and not have the weird feeling that the Brit is asking for something more—he realizes that Artie only wanted to have a brotherly relationship (after he announced that he had a date with Vash—they’ve been going strong ever since then).
He finally realized what Kiku and Feliciano were doing when they were alone—to an extent. He realizes that Kiku is a lot friendlier to Feli than to any of the other people that join him (and occasionally Feli) in the library.
He realizes that his bond with Francis has grown stronger within the last few months. He realizes that it was because of Francis that he healed more quickly than he would have if he had been through this pain all alone.
He doesn’t like the indication, but he may owe Francis more than he’d like to think about at this moment. He doesn’t want to think about the favors that Francis will ask for—most of them certainly perverted—and he tries to take it one step at the time.
He doesn’t like to admit it to others—he thinks only Arthur noticed it—but he fell quite suddenly for the French man. He doesn’t like that only weeks after losing his first love, he falls in love again. Worst, he fell for a person that is known to be a player, someone who flirts with everyone (even worse than Feli—and that’s saying a lot).
However, he doesn’t look into the future, and tries to look only on the present. He knows that if he were to look towards the future, he would be setting himself up for heartache even worse because he planned a whole future for the two of them. So, now, he only tries to see as far as tomorrow, and he tries to plan things on the day that he wants to do them. He tries to convince himself that he’s worth the time that Francis invested in him, time that could have been used to seduce multiple girls into his bed.
Honestly, he doesn’t think Francis has flirted with anyone for a while. He doesn’t think that Francis even attempts to flirt with someone, unless they flirt with him first. He thinks that he’s the only exception to that rule, and he’s honestly fine with it.
He finds that it’s natural, the playful, platonic flirting with Francis, and he thinks that maybe, over time (something he tries not to think about, but doesn’t fully succeed), it’ll change into something more than a platonic love. He wants to dream of a future where the two of them are old and grey, but he won’t set himself up for heartache worse than what he’ll already get once Francis leaves him.
He realizes that it’s easy to be himself now that Francis has healed him—he finds himself joking with Gil as easily as before, and he finds himself wondering if he can maybe introduce Gil to something like Homestuck or SATW. He finds himself in Ludwig’s room, teasing him about his and Gil’s future, and he finds that it’s adorable, in a childish way, when Ludwig blushes and stutters.
Even then, he finds himself in his room, rocking back and forth, waiting for Francis to come. It’s a habit of theirs, to hang out in his room until the sun rises, and he finds that he doesn’t care for the other people’s opinions.
He finds that he doesn’t care if he is called a whore of some sort. He finds that things could be worse than what is already shown. In the end, he finds that he’s okay with his sexuality—he’s gay, and he’s proud of it. It doesn’t matter when he gets a text from Francis, telling him to meet him outside the dorm. He finds himself running down the stairs, flying out the door, and landing in the garden.
He finds Francis holding a rose, and asking him very casually to go out on a date. He finds that he’s okay, and that it doesn’t matter to him, as long as Francis wants him the way he wants Francis. He finds that he can ignore the comments about him being a whore.
He finds that it’s okay to be in love with Francis only after getting over Ludwig, and that, maybe, it’ll bring the “happily-ever-after” ending he craves for his story.