[Fanfiction] Hazukashii Smile : CHAPTER 3: KAT-TUN (Part 2: CARE)
( Prologue: the Faded Star )
Chapter 1: HOSHI WO MEZASHITE ( NEWS)
**Page 1**-|| **Page 2**
Chapter 1: MUGENDAI (Kanjani8)
**Part 1** Page 2***
Chapter 3: CRAZY LOVE (KAT-TUN)
*** Part 1***|| ***Part 2***
Title : Hazukashii Smile : Chapter Three: CARE (KAT-TUN)
Fandom: Nishikido Ryo/ Akanishi Jin
Category: Multi-Chapter/ Song Fic
Genre: Drama, Angst
Warnings: Character Death, Tearjerker, lots and lots of Tissues needed
Rating: G
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SUMMARY: Jin remembers most everything. He really doesnt know how to begin
Author Notes: This came as easy as the song. I loved the song and it was one of my favorite Ryo-Jin duets. Its beautiful lyrics were just fitting for the mood I was trying to create and I think it mirrors what Jin and all his friends want to say to Ryo. .COMMENTS ARE LOVE!
There was no need to inform Jin of what happened to Ryo. The boy had found out himself – the hard way. He had walked into the Jimusho with his usual spunk and flair, but there were no smiles today, no little squeals at his handsome existence. Instead, a dread – a tear, something was definitely up. OH NO! Did Kamenashi finally do something stupid and KAT-TUN was breaking up? A beep of his cellphone distracted him. He flipped it open and discovered that he had mail.
Within affairs and lies, I am burdened by my awkwardness at love.
On that awful day when I am pursued by time
I felt a little free
Fr:r.nishikido@jemail.co.jp
Subject: Yo, Bakanishi! HAIL TEAM BAKANISHI!
Jin,
As you probably might have known by now, I am in Los Angeles. But before you get all envious and curse me for my luck, I want to tell you that your jealousy is unwarranted. You do not want to be where I am now. I am in UCLA’s Medical Research Center. No, I am not studying to be a doctor. I am being studied and trying to be cured for this illness I have.
Jin, I could have told you many times. But it was awkward to tell you all this when all our meetings were parties and good times I did not want to ruin the moment. I never regretted those days, it made my last days in Japan sweeter, more memorable and more fun. Thanks for that.
I did have one chance though. Remember when we, Tomohisa, you and I went out for lunch one day? I knew it was a matter of time before I left. I could have told you then, but I felt that I didn’t have the liberty to do so. I felt trapped by my own pride, my own self-importance, my annoying habit of acting tough. God, I wanted to let it out then and there. I wanted to cry.
Jin could not believe what he just read. He read it over just to get the gist of it. He had reached the floor of the KAT-TUN offices and dressing room. He quickly entered the dressing room without greeting anyone or looking at anyone. The distraught look on his face probably said it all. Perhaps, everyone knew already.
He looked at Kamenashi who was unusually quiet that day and looked at him with concern. Yeah, they knew.
“Kame? How long have you known?” He asked, his voice coming out shakey.
“Just this morning. Johnny told me, I was going to tell you but…” Kame replied.
He held a hand up to silence him. He knew it was hard enough to tell him anything without him overreacting. He smiled at Kame reassuringly as he continued to read.
After a few years it will become a memory
So I tried to add the forgotten memories to this moment now
I tried to spend as much time with you, Jin, as much as I could spare in my busy schedule. You and Team Bakanishi were my best friends, pride and Joy. Of course, there was Uchi, but that’s a different story. I just want you to remember me as much as possible. I know that after I am dead, I will only be a memory. But I want to be in as many of your memories as I could possibly be. I want to leave a scar on you, a permanent mark. I do not want to be forgotten, Jin. I am afraid that my existence will be forgotten. So this is why I am writing this to you.
ho would forget you, baka?! Heck, even Ueda would never forget a person like you. It’s not like Nishikido Ryo was born every day in Japan. You’re not ordinary, dipstick! You’re special. Especially to me.
Today it became hard to walk carrying too many important things
There were so many times that I wanted to breakdown. But, Ryo-chan doesn’t cry. Ryo-chan’s a superhuman who juggles two groups, a drama, a TV special and several promotions and a concert tour, right? Yeah. Ryo-chan was all that Jin. But, Ryo-chan was also weak, stupid and selfish. He didn’t want to let his friends who cared for him know that something was wrong with him.
It also became harder for Ryo-chan, as time passed by, to tell his friends that he needs them. It became harder to work – harder to speak or even smile. I tried to carry it all in my heart. I didn’t want you guys to worry about me. I wanted to be the one who you went to for advice. I thought I would never see the day when I would need to lean on you. I was in denial for a long time, even here in LA. I thought I would never need to hear your voice, or anything.
But it became harder each day, each prick of the needle, each time they talked me into things. It became harder and harder to accept that I was indeed dying. I was going to leave the life I built for myself. The name I tried so hard to protect. But, it was fate. I could not help it.
I needed you. I really did. But everytime I tried to reach out, I felt that I shouldn’t . I am sorry.
At some stage every one of us
Brings along sadness and weakness
In the strength to step forward when we are weighed down
The same number of smiles as there was sad faces, I’ll be waiting
Baka! He wasn’t the stupid one it was Ryo. He was mad as he closed his eyes at the memory of the boy. Indeed, there were many conversations shared between him and Yamapi, Him and Toma and even Shirota about the boy’s sudden weight loss. They wanted to ask – but it was hard to ask Ryo that question. He might blow up and they would end up victims of his famous poisoned tongue.
But Jin wasn’t stupid, he wasn’t even fooled by the tough act Ryo was pulling. He tried his hardest to make the boy squeal – maybe he just didn’t try hard enough.
God, Ryo-chan! BAKA-NISHIKIDO!! He punched the couch beside him as tears fell freely across his handsome features. Don’t you know that when you are weak, we become weak too? Didn’t you know that we were waiting for you to tell us? Didn’t you know that we would also cry with you?
You did it for me. You waited for me, baka! Why couldn’t I wait for you? Did you think I was that stupid? I may not be smart, but I know how to feel. I was going to wait for you. Traitor, why didn’t you come back? Liar! Why didn’t you tell us?! Arent we your friends?
I had lost sight of something as the days passed by
Just like that, I have to make the first move
To not let go of the hand I am holding
I am sorry. I was so selfish. I forgot that we were a team. I forgot about Team Bakanishi. I was so alone in my sorrow that I forgot that I had friends who were waiting for me. But I guess it wasn’t too late. Or is it? I just didn’t want to let go of my life that easily. Because I knew that Team Bakanishi was back home, I worked hard. I tried to shield myself from the pain, the agony and the damn tasteless hospital food. Jin, believe me. I didn’t let go.
Jin, I would like to thank you for everything. Thank you for not letting me go and sending me still even the stupidest mail. Did you know that those stupid e-mails made my day? God, whenever I feel likethe world is crumbling down on me, I at least knew that there was a BAKANISHI who still remembered to send me stupid, non-sensical and crazy e-mails. Those e-mails though are most precious to me. I knew that you haven’t let me go.
I could see you grinning to me as you asked me stupid questions. I could see you in a club checking out each beautiful senorita and thought that it would be my type. I knew you remembered me everytime you sang Care. I knew that you never – not once- did you let me go. You were rooting for me in your stupid way. Thank you.
But I couldn’t stay any longer, Jin. I just wanted to tell you and Team Akanishi that you are all loved. I will always remember all the mischief caused, the ruckus, the attention and most of all the friendship. I will still wait for you and we’ll share a shot in the other life. Good luck Jin, show me what you’re made of, Kid! Kiss the honeys for me. Remember Sexy boy, youre holding the torch for both of us now. Carry it well. I care. I always do.
Sayounarra.
Your Bundle of Love,
Ryo-chan, The Sexy Osaka Man
If for example, you were scarred
Anyones love can change color numerous times
On the day you were tired and leaned on me
I will always be there to embrace you whoever you may be
Damn Right you shouldn’t! We were right behind you. NEWS, TEAM AKANISHI, (and that’s AKANISHI not BAKANISHI), and Kanjani8, the Juniors , your family—your millions of fans—we were all here to wait for you. We were waiting for you to return to us, we could have cried with you. If only you allowed us to… If only…
His thoughts trailed off as he stared into space. Ryo-chan was gone. How could this be?
“Jin?” A familiar voice spoke to him as if on cue. He needed him. He needed him now.
He looked up to Yamashita Tomohisa’s face who shared the same tears. “He’s gone. He left. He’s dead.” He sounded like a child. That wasn’t so cool. But he didn’t care.
“I called Shirota,” Yamashita put an arm around his friend.
“Damn it RYO!” Jin cried and buried his face in his hands.
“I know….” Yamapi soothed him. Words were not enough for the pain they were both feeling. It was as if a part of him had left and he didn’t know what to do with himself
Jin however, was more vocal with his feelings. He started cursing left and right in both Japanese and English. He started to flail wildly, and finally he crumpled down to the floor in a hysterical heap.
“Ryo, didn’t you know that we were weak without you too? Did you know how much your cockiness and pride meant to us? You left us, you traitor. GODDAMN YOU! JUST WAIT TIL I GET THERE, YOU ANNOYING STUPID --- FUCKTARD! GODDAMNIT RYO, I LOVED YOU, BRO! What would I do without you?“ Jin was screaming at nothing and everything at once.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The scream probably echoed what all his friends had wanted to do. His departing was sudden and maddening. It echoed throughout the whole of Johnny’s Entertainment – and through the hearts and minds of all those who Ryo had touched.
But most of all, it was all that Jin could do to help himself from hurting himself or something. He needed to ease the pain – he had to do something.
“RYO-CHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!