Twenty-One Days: Days 16 to 20
Day Sixteen: A confrontation with the police officer – it isn’t pretty
Jared felt full and content. His cheeks were warmed by the residual heat of the day and by a few shots chased with beers and his body was satisfyingly aching. Jensen looked in a similar state, although the sun had reddened his nose, and his eyelids were heavy over his glassy, tired eyes.
Another early morning call had changed their plans again; Uncle Peter cursing Ricky Mumford’s unreliability, and apologizing profusely for disturbing Jared. Unfortunately, with paying customers on board, Uncle Peter needed two crew members for insurance purposes. Truth is, neither of them really minded. Jared certainly would never begrudge Uncle Peter any of his time, and Jensen was happy to go wherever Jared was going. Uncle Peter could take the Ariana back on his own providing there were no passengers so Jared was able to spend the whole day with Jensen anyway.
Tresco would feature heavily in the next promotional campaign so Jensen was due to pay a repeat visit. After a pretty heavy night, and knowing there would be a fair amount of wandering tourists, they had to keep things light anyway. Jared took up his now familiar job of personal assistant, holding things for Jensen, and sometimes holding Jensen when he decided to hang precariously off cliffs for that perfect angle. Sometimes they stopped to make out a little, but both of them were feeling a little fragile, and a little careful with each other. They talked, they joked, they mildly groped each other when the mood took them – but they stayed away from discussions about the looming future.
On their return, and under the ever-smirking grin of Uncle Peter, they made plans to have dinner at Tregarthens. The hotel didn’t have the character of Star Castle but the dining room was supposed to be good. Jared didn’t know as he had never eaten there, but since the Duchy were paying…
They kept their conversation very much in the present, had a good meal, and a great deal to drink and left the hotel in total amity. There was a hot debate as to which house they would return to – Steval Cottage on the Garrison was the nearest but was a rental place and Jared wanted the comforts of his own home. There was never any argument that they would spend the night together though. Jared eventually won, on the promise of pancakes in the morning, and they walked down the short hill back into the main thoroughfare, hand in hand, quiet but happy.
Of course, they would have to meet Julian, making his final patrol around the small town. Jared thought, at first, that they could just walk by, and have nothing said. But as they approached each other, Julian’s narrowed eyes promised something altogether less easy.
Jensen had looked up at Jared, when he felt his partner stiffening, frowning when he noticed Jared’s tight jaw, and embarrassed look.
“Jared,” Julian greeted them, ignoring Jensen for the moment.
“Julian,” Jared acknowledged in return. He couldn’t help how abrupt he sounded, but he anticipated that the whole meeting would be awkward.
“I’d heard you and the American were all over each other,” Julian said with a smile that held no promise of kindness. Jensen was puffing up in umbrage and started forward. Jared grabbed his arm. Even on Scilly assaulting a police officer was unacceptable – and illegal.
“No-one is surprised – someone new and pretty arrives and Jared Padalecki is all over him! Don’t worry – uh, Jason, isn’t it? – he’ll be getting over you real quick once you’ve gone. There’ll be several like you this summer, so I’ve been told. You’re fucking the island’s resident slut.”
Jensen tugged hard, but no matter what Julian said, Jared wasn’t going to let it get to him. He already knew what the islanders said about him. They usually didn’t say it with such maliciousness (usually there was an element of pride, which was just all screwed up) but then, they hadn’t recently been unceremoniously dumped either. Jared felt he could take the hit this once. Jensen wasn’t so circumspect, and Jared had to physically stand between the two of them or the altercation, for sure, would have ended with Julian with a bloody nose and Jensen locked up in the one police cell on the islands.
“Thanks, Julian,” Jared tried to say pleasantly over Jensen’s threatening curses. “I’m sure Jensen will pay due attention to your warning.”
“Fucking bastard,” Jensen exclaimed at the same time, but Jared was already pulling him away, leaving the police officer staring with anger and hatred after them.
“So much for him being happy to wait around for you,” Jensen said through gritted teeth as they walked past Town Beach and the Lifeboat house, before starting up the slope to the old school buildings.
“Yeah, well. I made it abundantly clear that he’d be waiting for ever,” Jared answered. “Forget it, Jensen. He’s not worth it and I guess he does have reason to be angry.”
Jensen huffed, then stopped abruptly, glaring at Jared for a moment. He finally took a deep breath in, then let it out slowly. Jared could see the anger fading away with the breath.
They carried walking on past the tiny industrial estate and then cut across the boat yard. The moon was shining on the waves at Porth Mellon.
“They really call you a slut?” Jensen asked eventually.
“No, not in so many words,” Jared grinned at him, keen to lessen the air of seriousness. “But, I am a great source for gossip. I like sex, Jensen, which you might have realised by now, and until recently, I haven’t found anyone I wanted to be committed to.”
“Until recently?” Jensen asked. Jared laughed.
“Yeah, until recently,” he answered.
Jensen’s grin was blinding in the moonlight. “You’d better be talking about me.”
“God, no,” Jared teased. “I’m talking about the three hundred other boyfriends I’ve been seeing over the last two weeks.”
“Bastard!” Jensen declared.
And Jared immediately saw how it could be if Jensen stayed on Scilly and didn’t have to leave in four days’ time. Their relationship was intense but kept light with jokes and laughing. Jensen was good for him – stopped him brooding too much. He liked the idea –actually, he loved the idea. He could see Jensen fitting into his life.
However, he knew that Jensen couldn’t see that, and that he needed to leave. It caused a wave of grief which Jared furiously dampened.
One day at a time.
Live in the present.
There was still time.
Maybe Jensen would stay. Maybe Jared would leave with him.
Probably Jared would leave with him because every little new thing he found out about Jensen, was just making him more enamoured every day. He wasn’t going to be able to say goodbye if and when the time came.
Day Seventeen: Stormy weather
Plans changed again. A storm arrived in the night, and looked to stay the whole day. The gales were blowing so hard causing momentously large waves that battered the shore line causing all the boat trips to be cancelled and the airport to be closed down.
The sound of the howling wind woke Jared very early and he drew a dining room chair up to his front window so he could sit and watch the sea engulf the entire quay across the bay to the harbour. He’d been sitting there for an half an hour when Jensen finally staggered down the stairs. He took one look at Jared and had gone straight upstairs again, only to return with the duvet from the bed. He dumped the bedlinen on top of Jared and then grabbed his own chair, pulling it in close to Jared’s then proceeded to wrap the duvet around the both of them.
“It looks amazing,” he said.
Jared nodded. He cleared his throat, still groggy with sleep.
“I think it’s a good thing that nature reminds us that we are not all powerful, sometimes,” he croaked. Jensen snuggled in even closer. The early morning air was chilly, but the rain and the waves made it seem colder somehow. He wrapped an arm around Jensen and tugged him in closer. Jensen’s body heat warmed him and Jensen’s scent overwhelmed him, a mix of day old sweat, their combined releases from last night and sheer ‘Jensenness’, which should have sounded gross but just gave Jared comfort. Jared didn’t need anything else at that moment.
“I guess we aren’t going out on the boat today,” Jensen said after a few moments, his words tickling the base of Jared’s throat.
“Not a chance,” Jared answered smiling, one hand brushing gently up Jensen’s arm, and across his smooth shoulder to settle at the back of his neck, and to twist in the short hair he found there. “What shall we do instead?”
He felt Jensen’s answering grin against his collar bone; Jensen’s lips were tracking slowly across Jared’s skin wherever he could reach. The soft touches were creating sparks of electricity that were firing along every nerve under his skin. Despite the night before, Jared’s dick started to perk up in attention.
“I’d like to go out later – could get some fabulous shots today,” Jensen muttered, his kisses working down Jared’s chest as he slipped off his chair onto the floor. Jared couldn’t help the breathy moan that escaped, as Jensen’s tongue flickered around his nipple. “Not that the Duchy will want to use any of them – not exactly the kind of weather they’ll want to advertise.” Jensen’s words tickled at his stomach, and Jared’s hand tightened in Jensen’s hair, pushing him further down.
“We’ll go out later,” Jared said, the duvet finally falling to the floor. Jensen looked up, the light in his eyes swirling with the darkness of lust.
“Mmmmm,” he hummed as he traced the length of Jared’s penis with his lips, soft and gentle. Jared threw his head up, watching the waves as the water was thrown high into the sky, then cried out with the wind, as Jensen’s mouth engulfed him. It would be quite a while later before they finally left the house to go and dance in the storm.
***
Even Jensen held back from getting too close to the cliff’s edge this time, but when twenty, thirty foot waves were smashing against the massive rocks, washing over the headland and battering the lighthouse, even the most foolhardy could be circumspect. The sky was glowering dark, and throwing a deluge of rain at the islands. The sea was a furious grey, heaving and surging. It was scary and exhilarating.
It had taken only a few seconds for them both to get drenched. They didn’t care though, trudging across the sodden land and climbing up against a wind that fought them all the way, to get to the top of Penninis Head. They took the farm path that took them straight along the middle of the headland, because the narrow paths that clung to the edges of the jumbled rocks of the cliffs were far too dangerous.
Jensen may be more risk averse than usual but his enjoyment was evident in the wide grins he kept turning on Jared. During one squally break in the rain, he had snapped the heavy black clouds threatening the islands, but had given up fearing for the safety of his camera. He stood against the wind, the salty spray and the wild rain, as if he were offering himself up to the Gods of Chaos. Jared was so enchanted with him, so overwhelmed with the power and energy in the storm and in Jensen that he suddenly found himself crowding Jensen up against one of the huge menhirs, ignoring the pain of chafing wet denim to bring them both to climax.
Jared couldn’t help his huge belly laugh at the ridiculousness of their situation – soaked to the skin, the fury of this year’s biggest storm raging all around them, their boxers sticky with their semen, still idly rubbing against each other. They were crazy, but full of the magic and power of the earth.
Jared saw with utter clarity that there was nowhere else on earth he wanted to be, and there was no-one else on earth he wanted to share the moment with, and looking at Jensen’s face, still dazed with their sexual high, he knew that Jensen felt exactly the same way.
Day Eighteen: Proving that Jensen knows Jared better than he knows himself.
Although the real viciousness of the storm had calmed, there was still strong winds and wet weather the following day. The Boatman’s Association had already decided to cancel all trips again, except one – Tresco was the shortest and safest of the boat trips – so the Ariana was to stay moored up. Jared had looked at the weather forecast and had decided it wasn’t safe enough to take the Yellow Rose out either.
They both had chores to do and Jensen decided to take the opportunity to put together his final file for the Duchy – if the weather improved tomorrow then there might still be a possibility of getting more shots, but he’d be able to slot them in if they proved worthy of presenting. The Duchy were already happy with the pictures Jensen had shown them anyway, so he wasn’t going to sweat it. They parted for some of the day to get things done, and for Jensen to finally return to his rental cottage on the Garrison to get a change of clothes – Jared’s were proving a little big on him, although Jared really, really liked Jensen wearing his old hoodie.
They met up and had lunch at Old Town Café, then just went walking for the rest of the day. They got wet, but it was worth it to see the waves crashing into the bay at Porth Hellick. It was easy to see how Sir Cloudsley Shovell had been ship wrecked on the rocks there. They watched as the Penrose twins, more often known as the Porth Hellick Twins, played chicken with the waves on the rocks. Jared yelled at them for a while for being stupid but the kids were thirteen and renowned in all of the islands for being utterly devoid of commonsense. He wasn’t surprised when they didn’t listen. He pulled Jensen into the small farmyard to report them to their father. Mikey Penrose was fiercesome, and Jared and Jensen left him practically roaring at his sons even though the beach was some two hundred yards from the farm. Jared was glad that he wasn’t on of Penrose’s sons.
The two of them returned to Hugh Town through the farmland in the centre of the island. The wind was less furious along the lanes, and they found it easier to talk. Jensen invited Jared up to Steval Cottage, and for dinner at the Castle. Jared agreed simply because he couldn’t bear to waste any time being apart from the photographer.
As the afternoon drew in, the clouds began to break, and the rain stopped. By the time they were climbing The Garrison and passing Star Castle, there was a thin watery sun trying to cheer the dripping islands. Instead of heading straight into the cottage, Jared persuaded Jensen to carry on to follow the ramparts that surround the headland. The view changed as they circled around the Garrison, first the dark mounds of St Agnes and Gugh, then the massive rocks at the end of Penninis Head, followed eventually by the town nestled right on the water’s edge. The sun continued to brighten, and, forgetting dinner, Jared grabbed Jensen by the hand and pulled him along the path back into town and then towards his cottage.
They didn’t go as far as that though. Jared turned right before the path dropped down to the boatyard, and followed a small path as it curled and climbed around a modern bungalow, sitting on a low hill. Behind the property, were the massive footings of a ruin.
“Harry’s Walls,” Jared declared standing on the three feet thick wall. “My most favourite place on the islands.” The walls overlooked Porth Mellon Beach. To the right was the hill where Jared’s cottage stood; to the left, the lights of Hugh Town – but most impressive was the twin hills of Samson directly ahead, with the fiery orange ball of the sun slowly sinking between them. The sky was painted with pinks, and purples and tangerines, the remaining clouds still glowering but tinged with the brightest gold. It was beautiful.
Jensen scrambled to get his camera out while Jared breathed in the still slightly damp air.
“So what did this use to be?” Jensen asked finally, as he raised his lens to the sunset.
“One of the old castles. The first one was built over at Old Town, then they built this one, but after a while they realised that The Garrison was really a far more defensible location. The best view is here though, particularly in the summer - the setting sun lines up just right with Samson.”
“It’s pretty spectacular,” Jensen called over to where Jared was grinning. The camera clicked several times, but Jensen wasn’t taking photographs of the view. He had Jared in his sights. Jared started to preen until Jensen told him off.
“Just be natural, man,” Jensen scolded.
“Thought you were a landscape photographer,” Jared responded, mock surly.
“Don’t know – could be a new thing for me, portraits.”
Jared let Jensen do his thing, while he watched the sun sink heavily beyond the horizon. The salty tang in the slightly chilly air was refreshing. He breathed in deep, then closed his eyes, allowing the calm and peace of the islands to embrace him. On these ruined walls, he felt he was at the centre of the Scillies. The islands were ranged about him, a small ring of rocks that sheltered the small community. He had grown up here, metaphorically, and had learned that life was not all about money, or power, but was about helping your neighbour, appreciating the small, good things. He loved knowing every inch of the place, where to go when he needed peace, where to go when he wanted excitement and exhilaration. He loved the way the sea changed from day to day, hour to hour, and the way it pervaded every aspect of his life.
It took a while to realise that Jensen had stilled too, the camera’s shutter falling silent. He opened his eyes, to find Jensen staring at him, sadness prevalent but also with a little awe. Jared smiled shyly, feeling uncomfortable.
“I can’t ask you to leave,” Jensen said carefully.
Jared breathing stuttered, smile rapidly fading.
“I think you know that this is where you belong,” Jensen continued. “I want you to come with me but I wouldn’t be doing you any favours at all if I tried pushing. You’d end up missing this so much, and then…” He left the rest of the sentence hanging. The sun lent a gilt edge to the shadows crossing his face, making him seem as though he had stepped out of a painting by one of the old masters. Jared was overcome by the longing that he had for this incredible man, but felt a sharp stab of fear at Jensen’s words. He was right. Jared didn’t want to leave. He was hit by the sudden epiphany, and knew that whatever was at the root of his dissatisfaction with his life, it wasn’t being domiciled on the islands.
But looking at Jensen, the pieces of the jigsaw began to fit together. It hadn’t ever been about leaving Scilly – just needing someone to share it with. Not easy in a small community of six thousand, with large waves of transitory visitors during a few months of the year, and being gay. He’d finally settled enough into his own skin, to want to settle. Spending these few days with Jensen and the aborted attempt at a relationship with Julian had shown him that he couldn’t settle for anything less than love. The Scillies and love – and he was pretty sure, sitting on the old stones of a ruined castle, in the fiery light of the sunset, that love meant Jensen.
“No,” he said finally and quietly. “I can’t leave.”
“I knew that,” Jensen answered grimly. “I knew that right from the beginning.” He shrugged, but swapped his attention back to the sunset.
“This is my life here – the boats, my family,” Jared began to explain.
“I know. I thought it wouldn’t matter, that three weeks were nothing. I thought there was no way I could fall… not in three weeks. And now I know that I was wrong, that I… well, I began to hope, maybe, that you would… that I could persuade you, but I was fooling myself, because this is where you should be.”
“Could you stay?” Jared asked but already knew the answer.
“It’s taken me years to finally be doing what I want and need to be doing for myself, Jay. I can’t give that up. Not for three weeks,” Jensen’s voice was laced with his sadness.
The silence lingered for a long time. Jared felt his heartache, a tight squeeze in his chest, a hard lump in his throat, moisture in his eyes.
“Guess this was just a holiday romance then?” he muttered, trying not to sound too bitter.
“Guess so,” Jensen agreed.
***
As they climbed back down to the coastal path, after the dark had blanketed the Scillies, Jared knew, for both their sakes that he should walk away. But he had never been known for his wise choices, and he took Jensen’s hand and led him back to his own cottage over the way.
Their kisses were sweet, and full of yearning; their hands lingering over skin and hair with delicate touches. They stripped slowly, teasing with every new stretch of nakedness. Mouths as butterfly wings barely touching, they breathed in each other’s scent, to lose themselves utterly. Each touch, each brush of warmth, each shiver of pleasure drawn out and haunting. It seemed like hours before Jared pressed his cock deep into Jensen’s body eliciting a cry that seemed more like grief than delight, but Jensen wound himself tightly around, tying Jared to him with his limbs, fingers bruising as they clutched desperately, not wanting to let go. They rocked together, spinning out the sense of oneness, until nothing outside of the cottage, the bed, meant anything to either of them; it was just their two syncopated heart beats, their shared heat, their mingled breaths, the friction and burn, the fireworks of bliss, and the feathering of their touches that impressed upon their consciousness.
They came together, joint explosions of utter euphoria riding a tide of overwhelming anguish, that kept Jared deep inside, and Jensen still locked round him, breathing heavily and tears falling from both their eyes for a long time after.
They had very little of it left.
Day Nineteen: In which Jared and Jensen do very little
The commission, the Ariana and The Yellow Rose were all forgotten.
Jared and Jensen spent their last full day together cocooned in Jared’s cottage. They spent long hours making love, drawing out the time with deep, slow strokes. In the in-between times, they wrapped themselves around each other, buried in the bed and talked – not of leaving, or of love – but of their childhoods, and their first kisses, and their favourite foods, anything and everything as long as it wasn’t about leaving.
It made it easy to forget that Jensen was going to be boarding a helicopter in less than twenty-four hours, easier to forget that there would be two broken hearts in the morning.
Day Twenty: Jensen’s time is up
Sometime around four in the morning, the sex turned desperate. Jensen left scratches down Jared’s back, Jared left bruises on Jensen’s thighs. Jensen’s thrusts into the depths of Jared’s body turned hard and unforgiving, the gentle kisses turned into bites. It was thrilling to have Jensen pound into him, and bring him to such a release that they both almost blacked out, but Jared couldn’t get the idea that they were punishing each other out of his head and, discomforted, he left Jensen, wide eyed and stupefied, in bed, to go and fetch a glass of water from downstairs. The future was beginning to intrude on them, and Jared suddenly felt claustrophobic.
He choked down his tears and then poured himself his drink.
“It isn’t anyone’s fault,” Jensen said miserably, standing in the doorway to the small kitchen. He looked thoroughly fucked, dark bruises, red scratches, swollen lips, but magnificent like a Greek god. He was gorgeous, and Jared could feel another surge of arousal as his eyes skimmed with satisfaction the signs of the pleasure that Jared had given him. But Jensen’s eyes were dark with melancholy, and desolate with understanding. No-one had ever understood Jared quite a well as Jensen did even though they had hardly known each other, and Jensen’s dejection must be equally written on Jared’s expression and stance.
“It’s the wrong time,” Jared whispered, unable to get any more sound out of his voice.
“We’re the wrong people,” Jensen answered, the doubt in his face showing he believed that even less than Jared did. But it was ridiculous to expect love to conquer all. One or other of them would have to make compromises to their dreams, to their lives, and would end up resenting the other. Jared knew he would prefer to make the cut now before any expectation, than suffer the agony of parting after getting a taste of what life could be like.
“Shall we keep in touch?” Jensen asked.
Jared floundered. Jensen was pleading for there to be some connection between them still.
“I don’t think so,” Jared replied. There was no way he could cope with that - better to cut all ties.
Jensen’s face registered the hit. “Oh. Okay,” he said wretchedly.
They didn’t touch each other again for a while. Jared made breakfast whilst Jensen showered. They ate in silence. They walked back into Hugh Town and up onto the Garrison without a word, carefully not allowing a single touch. Jared watched Jensen pack, then helped him load his luggage into the taxi. Every single minute, he wanted to run away, and hide and not be here but he seemed totally incapable of leaving Jensen, not for one moment.
When the time came he climbed into the back seat with Jensen, as they set out on the short journey to the airport.
As they passed town beach, Jensen grabbed his hand. Jared didn’t let go.
It took all of five minutes for Jensen to be checked in then they had twenty minutes to wait. There was a small buzz from the few people in the airport, so Jensen tugged Jared outside to the small patio by the café. The wind was still brisk and chilly, so it was empty of travellers.
“I’ll sort out the new photos on the plane to Papua New Guinea,” Jensen said, just trying to fill in the space between them.
Jared was far too full of emotion to make a commonplace answer.
“Look, Jay,” Jensen began.
“No – don’t say anything else,” Jared interrupted.
“It was fun,” Jensen continued. And Jared had to agree. It had been fun, right up until he realised that they weren’t going to be together forever. He tried smiling. Jensen responded with a wan smile himself.
“I love you,” Jensen said determinedly. “I need you to know that.”
“Just not enough,” Jared answered in a broken voice, Jensen’s words finally breaking him down.
“I’m sorry. I can’t just give up on my dreams, and you can’t be anywhere else but here. I don’t think this has anything to do with how much love I have for you, or how much you love me.”
Jared nodded. He did understand, he did. He could go with Jensen, but he had made the decision to stay, in the same way and for the same reasons as Jensen had made the decision to go.
“I can ring, skype?” Jensen tried again.
“I think it would be easier if you didn’t,” Jared said breathing hard. “This is going to be hard enough as it is, without constant reminders of what we are missing.”
It was Jensen’s turn to now nod. Then the announcement for Jensen’s boarding came over the tanoy. Jared’s blood ran cold, and he started to back away, terrified.
Jensen reached out for him frantically and pulled him back in, hugging him fiercely. They didn’t say anything just clung to each other; Jensen dry eyed but shaking with the intensity of his emotion, and Jared barely holding back the sobs.
Then Jensen was gone, replaced by a chill from the absence of his warmth. Jared didn’t follow to watch him board the helicopter. He stayed exactly where Jensen had left him, until he heard the throbbing hum of the helicopter blades turn into a scream as the helicopter climbed into the air and he stayed as the sound faded away. He stood exactly where he was, not allowing his eyes to track the dark shape through the sky until it disappeared. He didn’t notice the worry in a high pitched voice asking him if he was all right. He stood exactly where he was, holding tight to the memory of Jensen’s heat pressed against him until a brown, wrinkled hand caught him by the arm.
“Hey, boy,” came Uncle Peter’s gruff, but quiet tones.
Jared looked up into the kind eyes of the man who had been more than a father to him.
“Maisie got worried about you. Thought you might need family,” Uncle Peter explained, nodding his head towards the plump concerned face of the Café’s manager.
Jared smiled through his tears. Only here on Scilly.
“Maisie’s offered a cup of tea but I thought you’d prefer to go home. Auntie’s bound to have the kettle on. Besides, I’ve drunk Maisie’s tea – I wouldn’t pay for it.” Jared laughed a little in amongst his sobs but allowed his Uncle to wrap an arm around him and coax him towards the exit, and to Uncle Peter’s banged up wreck of a car.
“I love him,” Jared suddenly said.
“I know, boy.”
“Have I done the right thing?”
“Only time will tell,” Uncle Peter answered wisely, and drove Jared back to the bungalow where his Auntie was waiting.
Back to the Masterpost Next
Jared felt full and content. His cheeks were warmed by the residual heat of the day and by a few shots chased with beers and his body was satisfyingly aching. Jensen looked in a similar state, although the sun had reddened his nose, and his eyelids were heavy over his glassy, tired eyes.
Another early morning call had changed their plans again; Uncle Peter cursing Ricky Mumford’s unreliability, and apologizing profusely for disturbing Jared. Unfortunately, with paying customers on board, Uncle Peter needed two crew members for insurance purposes. Truth is, neither of them really minded. Jared certainly would never begrudge Uncle Peter any of his time, and Jensen was happy to go wherever Jared was going. Uncle Peter could take the Ariana back on his own providing there were no passengers so Jared was able to spend the whole day with Jensen anyway.
Tresco would feature heavily in the next promotional campaign so Jensen was due to pay a repeat visit. After a pretty heavy night, and knowing there would be a fair amount of wandering tourists, they had to keep things light anyway. Jared took up his now familiar job of personal assistant, holding things for Jensen, and sometimes holding Jensen when he decided to hang precariously off cliffs for that perfect angle. Sometimes they stopped to make out a little, but both of them were feeling a little fragile, and a little careful with each other. They talked, they joked, they mildly groped each other when the mood took them – but they stayed away from discussions about the looming future.
On their return, and under the ever-smirking grin of Uncle Peter, they made plans to have dinner at Tregarthens. The hotel didn’t have the character of Star Castle but the dining room was supposed to be good. Jared didn’t know as he had never eaten there, but since the Duchy were paying…
They kept their conversation very much in the present, had a good meal, and a great deal to drink and left the hotel in total amity. There was a hot debate as to which house they would return to – Steval Cottage on the Garrison was the nearest but was a rental place and Jared wanted the comforts of his own home. There was never any argument that they would spend the night together though. Jared eventually won, on the promise of pancakes in the morning, and they walked down the short hill back into the main thoroughfare, hand in hand, quiet but happy.
Of course, they would have to meet Julian, making his final patrol around the small town. Jared thought, at first, that they could just walk by, and have nothing said. But as they approached each other, Julian’s narrowed eyes promised something altogether less easy.
Jensen had looked up at Jared, when he felt his partner stiffening, frowning when he noticed Jared’s tight jaw, and embarrassed look.
“Jared,” Julian greeted them, ignoring Jensen for the moment.
“Julian,” Jared acknowledged in return. He couldn’t help how abrupt he sounded, but he anticipated that the whole meeting would be awkward.
“I’d heard you and the American were all over each other,” Julian said with a smile that held no promise of kindness. Jensen was puffing up in umbrage and started forward. Jared grabbed his arm. Even on Scilly assaulting a police officer was unacceptable – and illegal.
“No-one is surprised – someone new and pretty arrives and Jared Padalecki is all over him! Don’t worry – uh, Jason, isn’t it? – he’ll be getting over you real quick once you’ve gone. There’ll be several like you this summer, so I’ve been told. You’re fucking the island’s resident slut.”
Jensen tugged hard, but no matter what Julian said, Jared wasn’t going to let it get to him. He already knew what the islanders said about him. They usually didn’t say it with such maliciousness (usually there was an element of pride, which was just all screwed up) but then, they hadn’t recently been unceremoniously dumped either. Jared felt he could take the hit this once. Jensen wasn’t so circumspect, and Jared had to physically stand between the two of them or the altercation, for sure, would have ended with Julian with a bloody nose and Jensen locked up in the one police cell on the islands.
“Thanks, Julian,” Jared tried to say pleasantly over Jensen’s threatening curses. “I’m sure Jensen will pay due attention to your warning.”
“Fucking bastard,” Jensen exclaimed at the same time, but Jared was already pulling him away, leaving the police officer staring with anger and hatred after them.
“So much for him being happy to wait around for you,” Jensen said through gritted teeth as they walked past Town Beach and the Lifeboat house, before starting up the slope to the old school buildings.
“Yeah, well. I made it abundantly clear that he’d be waiting for ever,” Jared answered. “Forget it, Jensen. He’s not worth it and I guess he does have reason to be angry.”
Jensen huffed, then stopped abruptly, glaring at Jared for a moment. He finally took a deep breath in, then let it out slowly. Jared could see the anger fading away with the breath.
They carried walking on past the tiny industrial estate and then cut across the boat yard. The moon was shining on the waves at Porth Mellon.
“They really call you a slut?” Jensen asked eventually.
“No, not in so many words,” Jared grinned at him, keen to lessen the air of seriousness. “But, I am a great source for gossip. I like sex, Jensen, which you might have realised by now, and until recently, I haven’t found anyone I wanted to be committed to.”
“Until recently?” Jensen asked. Jared laughed.
“Yeah, until recently,” he answered.
Jensen’s grin was blinding in the moonlight. “You’d better be talking about me.”
“God, no,” Jared teased. “I’m talking about the three hundred other boyfriends I’ve been seeing over the last two weeks.”
“Bastard!” Jensen declared.
And Jared immediately saw how it could be if Jensen stayed on Scilly and didn’t have to leave in four days’ time. Their relationship was intense but kept light with jokes and laughing. Jensen was good for him – stopped him brooding too much. He liked the idea –actually, he loved the idea. He could see Jensen fitting into his life.
However, he knew that Jensen couldn’t see that, and that he needed to leave. It caused a wave of grief which Jared furiously dampened.
One day at a time.
Live in the present.
There was still time.
Maybe Jensen would stay. Maybe Jared would leave with him.
Probably Jared would leave with him because every little new thing he found out about Jensen, was just making him more enamoured every day. He wasn’t going to be able to say goodbye if and when the time came.
Day Seventeen: Stormy weather
Plans changed again. A storm arrived in the night, and looked to stay the whole day. The gales were blowing so hard causing momentously large waves that battered the shore line causing all the boat trips to be cancelled and the airport to be closed down.
The sound of the howling wind woke Jared very early and he drew a dining room chair up to his front window so he could sit and watch the sea engulf the entire quay across the bay to the harbour. He’d been sitting there for an half an hour when Jensen finally staggered down the stairs. He took one look at Jared and had gone straight upstairs again, only to return with the duvet from the bed. He dumped the bedlinen on top of Jared and then grabbed his own chair, pulling it in close to Jared’s then proceeded to wrap the duvet around the both of them.
“It looks amazing,” he said.
Jared nodded. He cleared his throat, still groggy with sleep.
“I think it’s a good thing that nature reminds us that we are not all powerful, sometimes,” he croaked. Jensen snuggled in even closer. The early morning air was chilly, but the rain and the waves made it seem colder somehow. He wrapped an arm around Jensen and tugged him in closer. Jensen’s body heat warmed him and Jensen’s scent overwhelmed him, a mix of day old sweat, their combined releases from last night and sheer ‘Jensenness’, which should have sounded gross but just gave Jared comfort. Jared didn’t need anything else at that moment.
“I guess we aren’t going out on the boat today,” Jensen said after a few moments, his words tickling the base of Jared’s throat.
“Not a chance,” Jared answered smiling, one hand brushing gently up Jensen’s arm, and across his smooth shoulder to settle at the back of his neck, and to twist in the short hair he found there. “What shall we do instead?”
He felt Jensen’s answering grin against his collar bone; Jensen’s lips were tracking slowly across Jared’s skin wherever he could reach. The soft touches were creating sparks of electricity that were firing along every nerve under his skin. Despite the night before, Jared’s dick started to perk up in attention.
“I’d like to go out later – could get some fabulous shots today,” Jensen muttered, his kisses working down Jared’s chest as he slipped off his chair onto the floor. Jared couldn’t help the breathy moan that escaped, as Jensen’s tongue flickered around his nipple. “Not that the Duchy will want to use any of them – not exactly the kind of weather they’ll want to advertise.” Jensen’s words tickled at his stomach, and Jared’s hand tightened in Jensen’s hair, pushing him further down.
“We’ll go out later,” Jared said, the duvet finally falling to the floor. Jensen looked up, the light in his eyes swirling with the darkness of lust.
“Mmmmm,” he hummed as he traced the length of Jared’s penis with his lips, soft and gentle. Jared threw his head up, watching the waves as the water was thrown high into the sky, then cried out with the wind, as Jensen’s mouth engulfed him. It would be quite a while later before they finally left the house to go and dance in the storm.
***
Even Jensen held back from getting too close to the cliff’s edge this time, but when twenty, thirty foot waves were smashing against the massive rocks, washing over the headland and battering the lighthouse, even the most foolhardy could be circumspect. The sky was glowering dark, and throwing a deluge of rain at the islands. The sea was a furious grey, heaving and surging. It was scary and exhilarating.
It had taken only a few seconds for them both to get drenched. They didn’t care though, trudging across the sodden land and climbing up against a wind that fought them all the way, to get to the top of Penninis Head. They took the farm path that took them straight along the middle of the headland, because the narrow paths that clung to the edges of the jumbled rocks of the cliffs were far too dangerous.
Jensen may be more risk averse than usual but his enjoyment was evident in the wide grins he kept turning on Jared. During one squally break in the rain, he had snapped the heavy black clouds threatening the islands, but had given up fearing for the safety of his camera. He stood against the wind, the salty spray and the wild rain, as if he were offering himself up to the Gods of Chaos. Jared was so enchanted with him, so overwhelmed with the power and energy in the storm and in Jensen that he suddenly found himself crowding Jensen up against one of the huge menhirs, ignoring the pain of chafing wet denim to bring them both to climax.
Jared couldn’t help his huge belly laugh at the ridiculousness of their situation – soaked to the skin, the fury of this year’s biggest storm raging all around them, their boxers sticky with their semen, still idly rubbing against each other. They were crazy, but full of the magic and power of the earth.
Jared saw with utter clarity that there was nowhere else on earth he wanted to be, and there was no-one else on earth he wanted to share the moment with, and looking at Jensen’s face, still dazed with their sexual high, he knew that Jensen felt exactly the same way.
Day Eighteen: Proving that Jensen knows Jared better than he knows himself.
Although the real viciousness of the storm had calmed, there was still strong winds and wet weather the following day. The Boatman’s Association had already decided to cancel all trips again, except one – Tresco was the shortest and safest of the boat trips – so the Ariana was to stay moored up. Jared had looked at the weather forecast and had decided it wasn’t safe enough to take the Yellow Rose out either.
They both had chores to do and Jensen decided to take the opportunity to put together his final file for the Duchy – if the weather improved tomorrow then there might still be a possibility of getting more shots, but he’d be able to slot them in if they proved worthy of presenting. The Duchy were already happy with the pictures Jensen had shown them anyway, so he wasn’t going to sweat it. They parted for some of the day to get things done, and for Jensen to finally return to his rental cottage on the Garrison to get a change of clothes – Jared’s were proving a little big on him, although Jared really, really liked Jensen wearing his old hoodie.
They met up and had lunch at Old Town Café, then just went walking for the rest of the day. They got wet, but it was worth it to see the waves crashing into the bay at Porth Hellick. It was easy to see how Sir Cloudsley Shovell had been ship wrecked on the rocks there. They watched as the Penrose twins, more often known as the Porth Hellick Twins, played chicken with the waves on the rocks. Jared yelled at them for a while for being stupid but the kids were thirteen and renowned in all of the islands for being utterly devoid of commonsense. He wasn’t surprised when they didn’t listen. He pulled Jensen into the small farmyard to report them to their father. Mikey Penrose was fiercesome, and Jared and Jensen left him practically roaring at his sons even though the beach was some two hundred yards from the farm. Jared was glad that he wasn’t on of Penrose’s sons.
The two of them returned to Hugh Town through the farmland in the centre of the island. The wind was less furious along the lanes, and they found it easier to talk. Jensen invited Jared up to Steval Cottage, and for dinner at the Castle. Jared agreed simply because he couldn’t bear to waste any time being apart from the photographer.
As the afternoon drew in, the clouds began to break, and the rain stopped. By the time they were climbing The Garrison and passing Star Castle, there was a thin watery sun trying to cheer the dripping islands. Instead of heading straight into the cottage, Jared persuaded Jensen to carry on to follow the ramparts that surround the headland. The view changed as they circled around the Garrison, first the dark mounds of St Agnes and Gugh, then the massive rocks at the end of Penninis Head, followed eventually by the town nestled right on the water’s edge. The sun continued to brighten, and, forgetting dinner, Jared grabbed Jensen by the hand and pulled him along the path back into town and then towards his cottage.
They didn’t go as far as that though. Jared turned right before the path dropped down to the boatyard, and followed a small path as it curled and climbed around a modern bungalow, sitting on a low hill. Behind the property, were the massive footings of a ruin.
“Harry’s Walls,” Jared declared standing on the three feet thick wall. “My most favourite place on the islands.” The walls overlooked Porth Mellon Beach. To the right was the hill where Jared’s cottage stood; to the left, the lights of Hugh Town – but most impressive was the twin hills of Samson directly ahead, with the fiery orange ball of the sun slowly sinking between them. The sky was painted with pinks, and purples and tangerines, the remaining clouds still glowering but tinged with the brightest gold. It was beautiful.
Jensen scrambled to get his camera out while Jared breathed in the still slightly damp air.
“So what did this use to be?” Jensen asked finally, as he raised his lens to the sunset.
“One of the old castles. The first one was built over at Old Town, then they built this one, but after a while they realised that The Garrison was really a far more defensible location. The best view is here though, particularly in the summer - the setting sun lines up just right with Samson.”
“It’s pretty spectacular,” Jensen called over to where Jared was grinning. The camera clicked several times, but Jensen wasn’t taking photographs of the view. He had Jared in his sights. Jared started to preen until Jensen told him off.
“Just be natural, man,” Jensen scolded.
“Thought you were a landscape photographer,” Jared responded, mock surly.
“Don’t know – could be a new thing for me, portraits.”
Jared let Jensen do his thing, while he watched the sun sink heavily beyond the horizon. The salty tang in the slightly chilly air was refreshing. He breathed in deep, then closed his eyes, allowing the calm and peace of the islands to embrace him. On these ruined walls, he felt he was at the centre of the Scillies. The islands were ranged about him, a small ring of rocks that sheltered the small community. He had grown up here, metaphorically, and had learned that life was not all about money, or power, but was about helping your neighbour, appreciating the small, good things. He loved knowing every inch of the place, where to go when he needed peace, where to go when he wanted excitement and exhilaration. He loved the way the sea changed from day to day, hour to hour, and the way it pervaded every aspect of his life.
It took a while to realise that Jensen had stilled too, the camera’s shutter falling silent. He opened his eyes, to find Jensen staring at him, sadness prevalent but also with a little awe. Jared smiled shyly, feeling uncomfortable.
“I can’t ask you to leave,” Jensen said carefully.
Jared breathing stuttered, smile rapidly fading.
“I think you know that this is where you belong,” Jensen continued. “I want you to come with me but I wouldn’t be doing you any favours at all if I tried pushing. You’d end up missing this so much, and then…” He left the rest of the sentence hanging. The sun lent a gilt edge to the shadows crossing his face, making him seem as though he had stepped out of a painting by one of the old masters. Jared was overcome by the longing that he had for this incredible man, but felt a sharp stab of fear at Jensen’s words. He was right. Jared didn’t want to leave. He was hit by the sudden epiphany, and knew that whatever was at the root of his dissatisfaction with his life, it wasn’t being domiciled on the islands.
But looking at Jensen, the pieces of the jigsaw began to fit together. It hadn’t ever been about leaving Scilly – just needing someone to share it with. Not easy in a small community of six thousand, with large waves of transitory visitors during a few months of the year, and being gay. He’d finally settled enough into his own skin, to want to settle. Spending these few days with Jensen and the aborted attempt at a relationship with Julian had shown him that he couldn’t settle for anything less than love. The Scillies and love – and he was pretty sure, sitting on the old stones of a ruined castle, in the fiery light of the sunset, that love meant Jensen.
“No,” he said finally and quietly. “I can’t leave.”
“I knew that,” Jensen answered grimly. “I knew that right from the beginning.” He shrugged, but swapped his attention back to the sunset.
“This is my life here – the boats, my family,” Jared began to explain.
“I know. I thought it wouldn’t matter, that three weeks were nothing. I thought there was no way I could fall… not in three weeks. And now I know that I was wrong, that I… well, I began to hope, maybe, that you would… that I could persuade you, but I was fooling myself, because this is where you should be.”
“Could you stay?” Jared asked but already knew the answer.
“It’s taken me years to finally be doing what I want and need to be doing for myself, Jay. I can’t give that up. Not for three weeks,” Jensen’s voice was laced with his sadness.
The silence lingered for a long time. Jared felt his heartache, a tight squeeze in his chest, a hard lump in his throat, moisture in his eyes.
“Guess this was just a holiday romance then?” he muttered, trying not to sound too bitter.
“Guess so,” Jensen agreed.
***
As they climbed back down to the coastal path, after the dark had blanketed the Scillies, Jared knew, for both their sakes that he should walk away. But he had never been known for his wise choices, and he took Jensen’s hand and led him back to his own cottage over the way.
Their kisses were sweet, and full of yearning; their hands lingering over skin and hair with delicate touches. They stripped slowly, teasing with every new stretch of nakedness. Mouths as butterfly wings barely touching, they breathed in each other’s scent, to lose themselves utterly. Each touch, each brush of warmth, each shiver of pleasure drawn out and haunting. It seemed like hours before Jared pressed his cock deep into Jensen’s body eliciting a cry that seemed more like grief than delight, but Jensen wound himself tightly around, tying Jared to him with his limbs, fingers bruising as they clutched desperately, not wanting to let go. They rocked together, spinning out the sense of oneness, until nothing outside of the cottage, the bed, meant anything to either of them; it was just their two syncopated heart beats, their shared heat, their mingled breaths, the friction and burn, the fireworks of bliss, and the feathering of their touches that impressed upon their consciousness.
They came together, joint explosions of utter euphoria riding a tide of overwhelming anguish, that kept Jared deep inside, and Jensen still locked round him, breathing heavily and tears falling from both their eyes for a long time after.
They had very little of it left.
Day Nineteen: In which Jared and Jensen do very little
The commission, the Ariana and The Yellow Rose were all forgotten.
Jared and Jensen spent their last full day together cocooned in Jared’s cottage. They spent long hours making love, drawing out the time with deep, slow strokes. In the in-between times, they wrapped themselves around each other, buried in the bed and talked – not of leaving, or of love – but of their childhoods, and their first kisses, and their favourite foods, anything and everything as long as it wasn’t about leaving.
It made it easy to forget that Jensen was going to be boarding a helicopter in less than twenty-four hours, easier to forget that there would be two broken hearts in the morning.
Day Twenty: Jensen’s time is up
Sometime around four in the morning, the sex turned desperate. Jensen left scratches down Jared’s back, Jared left bruises on Jensen’s thighs. Jensen’s thrusts into the depths of Jared’s body turned hard and unforgiving, the gentle kisses turned into bites. It was thrilling to have Jensen pound into him, and bring him to such a release that they both almost blacked out, but Jared couldn’t get the idea that they were punishing each other out of his head and, discomforted, he left Jensen, wide eyed and stupefied, in bed, to go and fetch a glass of water from downstairs. The future was beginning to intrude on them, and Jared suddenly felt claustrophobic.
He choked down his tears and then poured himself his drink.
“It isn’t anyone’s fault,” Jensen said miserably, standing in the doorway to the small kitchen. He looked thoroughly fucked, dark bruises, red scratches, swollen lips, but magnificent like a Greek god. He was gorgeous, and Jared could feel another surge of arousal as his eyes skimmed with satisfaction the signs of the pleasure that Jared had given him. But Jensen’s eyes were dark with melancholy, and desolate with understanding. No-one had ever understood Jared quite a well as Jensen did even though they had hardly known each other, and Jensen’s dejection must be equally written on Jared’s expression and stance.
“It’s the wrong time,” Jared whispered, unable to get any more sound out of his voice.
“We’re the wrong people,” Jensen answered, the doubt in his face showing he believed that even less than Jared did. But it was ridiculous to expect love to conquer all. One or other of them would have to make compromises to their dreams, to their lives, and would end up resenting the other. Jared knew he would prefer to make the cut now before any expectation, than suffer the agony of parting after getting a taste of what life could be like.
“Shall we keep in touch?” Jensen asked.
Jared floundered. Jensen was pleading for there to be some connection between them still.
“I don’t think so,” Jared replied. There was no way he could cope with that - better to cut all ties.
Jensen’s face registered the hit. “Oh. Okay,” he said wretchedly.
They didn’t touch each other again for a while. Jared made breakfast whilst Jensen showered. They ate in silence. They walked back into Hugh Town and up onto the Garrison without a word, carefully not allowing a single touch. Jared watched Jensen pack, then helped him load his luggage into the taxi. Every single minute, he wanted to run away, and hide and not be here but he seemed totally incapable of leaving Jensen, not for one moment.
When the time came he climbed into the back seat with Jensen, as they set out on the short journey to the airport.
As they passed town beach, Jensen grabbed his hand. Jared didn’t let go.
It took all of five minutes for Jensen to be checked in then they had twenty minutes to wait. There was a small buzz from the few people in the airport, so Jensen tugged Jared outside to the small patio by the café. The wind was still brisk and chilly, so it was empty of travellers.
“I’ll sort out the new photos on the plane to Papua New Guinea,” Jensen said, just trying to fill in the space between them.
Jared was far too full of emotion to make a commonplace answer.
“Look, Jay,” Jensen began.
“No – don’t say anything else,” Jared interrupted.
“It was fun,” Jensen continued. And Jared had to agree. It had been fun, right up until he realised that they weren’t going to be together forever. He tried smiling. Jensen responded with a wan smile himself.
“I love you,” Jensen said determinedly. “I need you to know that.”
“Just not enough,” Jared answered in a broken voice, Jensen’s words finally breaking him down.
“I’m sorry. I can’t just give up on my dreams, and you can’t be anywhere else but here. I don’t think this has anything to do with how much love I have for you, or how much you love me.”
Jared nodded. He did understand, he did. He could go with Jensen, but he had made the decision to stay, in the same way and for the same reasons as Jensen had made the decision to go.
“I can ring, skype?” Jensen tried again.
“I think it would be easier if you didn’t,” Jared said breathing hard. “This is going to be hard enough as it is, without constant reminders of what we are missing.”
It was Jensen’s turn to now nod. Then the announcement for Jensen’s boarding came over the tanoy. Jared’s blood ran cold, and he started to back away, terrified.
Jensen reached out for him frantically and pulled him back in, hugging him fiercely. They didn’t say anything just clung to each other; Jensen dry eyed but shaking with the intensity of his emotion, and Jared barely holding back the sobs.
Then Jensen was gone, replaced by a chill from the absence of his warmth. Jared didn’t follow to watch him board the helicopter. He stayed exactly where Jensen had left him, until he heard the throbbing hum of the helicopter blades turn into a scream as the helicopter climbed into the air and he stayed as the sound faded away. He stood exactly where he was, not allowing his eyes to track the dark shape through the sky until it disappeared. He didn’t notice the worry in a high pitched voice asking him if he was all right. He stood exactly where he was, holding tight to the memory of Jensen’s heat pressed against him until a brown, wrinkled hand caught him by the arm.
“Hey, boy,” came Uncle Peter’s gruff, but quiet tones.
Jared looked up into the kind eyes of the man who had been more than a father to him.
“Maisie got worried about you. Thought you might need family,” Uncle Peter explained, nodding his head towards the plump concerned face of the Café’s manager.
Jared smiled through his tears. Only here on Scilly.
“Maisie’s offered a cup of tea but I thought you’d prefer to go home. Auntie’s bound to have the kettle on. Besides, I’ve drunk Maisie’s tea – I wouldn’t pay for it.” Jared laughed a little in amongst his sobs but allowed his Uncle to wrap an arm around him and coax him towards the exit, and to Uncle Peter’s banged up wreck of a car.
“I love him,” Jared suddenly said.
“I know, boy.”
“Have I done the right thing?”
“Only time will tell,” Uncle Peter answered wisely, and drove Jared back to the bungalow where his Auntie was waiting.
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